Hi Grandkids! You all seemed to like the post I put up for you just before Christmas, so I thought I'd continue with another post from my own experiences in life, and I hope you don't get too tired of Grandma's little talks. If I didn't think they were important, I wouldn't do them. So bear with me on these and I hope they are valuable talks for you. I can't tell you enough how much I love all of you and how much I want to be a really good influence on your lives. I'd be a poor excuse for a Grandma, if I didn't give you some guidelines from the lessons I've learned in life. You all know that I am 65, and you can't imagine how much I've learned in the time I've been here. I will share my lessons with you in the hopes you won't have to learn them the hard way, like I did.
When I was 17, I wanted to stay in California with a friend and her family, and my parent's were having to move to Minnesota. I begged and pleaded to no avail. My Dad was in the Navy and they moved us around all over the country. Anyway, my Dad insisted that I go with them and so I had to leave my friends, my boyfriend, my school, and all my plans to go to college and become a court stenographer. I had already enrolled at Southwestern Junior College, and had already passed the exam they gave us in my final year at Castle Park High School. I loved that school and all of us had such a great time there. The teachers were like older friends and they would really take an interest in their students. When we left California, I cried through 3 states. No one seemed to care, least of all my Dad. He always said things were "God's will", but to me he said that just to get his way in everything. He was not a godly man at all in my opinion. He was mean to my Mom and us and whenever he wasn't home, we all got along just great. But what I didn't count on was the eye-opening experience I would have there, in my room, alone, in a place I hated. I despised Minnesota. I just wanted to go home to sunny San Diego. I missed the palm trees and the warm sun and the beaches, and my friends, my boyfriend, and all my plans. I had had enough of moving around and I was just devastated that we had to leave. I spent a lot of time in my room when we got there. My parents found a beautiful home that they could afford, and I just didn't realize then that sometimes parents have to do things that make them very unpopular with their children.
I wrote letters to my friends, and once I started getting mail from them I didn't feel so bad. I would write a lot in my spare time, stories and poems and verses from the Bible. Then one day, I started feeling compelled to read my Bible. Everyday I'd lay on my bed in my room and read and read every word I could. One day, a revelation came to me and it was like a light had exploded in my head. I suddenly had understanding of the words in the Bible. They were more real to me than people if that makes any sense. I was found, and knew that I'd never be alone again. I knew that God had a reason for me to be where I was, and I stopped hating my Dad for his decision to make me go with them. I was 17. What does a 17 year old really know about life? Not much. Not the real world. So much to learn. That's why I want all 4 of you to do as your Mom tells you. Don't speak back harshly to your parents. You wouldn't do that to your Dad, and you should respect your Mother. She carried you in her body for 9 months and brought you into the world. Her body created you and you should respect that. If you didn't have a Mom, you would not be here obviously. She loves you all and you should help her way more than you do. I'll enlighten you. The Bible says that the main commandment for children is: "Honor your Father and your Mother that your days may be long upon the earth." That means, if you want a long and happy life, you must obey your parents and be respectful of them. I changed while I lived in Minnesota. I learned to see my parents as people who make mistakes, but who do the best that they can to give the best life possible to their children. Not all parents are like this unfortunately. My Mom was a quiet person, and she loved kids and animals. She said she didn't like adults much because they were mean and selfish. How little did I know. How much I had to learn!
While I was separated from my friends, and it was so long between letters from my boyfriend, God began to get my attention. First it was in drawing me to the Bible so the words written there could begin to work the transformation in me that would change my life and allow me to deal with the awful things that were in my future. Even though I was angry with my parents, I didn't die like I thought I would, and in the end, I understood much more than I did on the day my Dad said we were moving. You have to understand something though about me, I had already been to 15 different schools in my 12 years of school, and I didn't want to move again. I didn't believe it was God's will, like my Dad said it was. But guess what?!!! It was God's will. He gave me so much insight, and so much knowledge. He said He would take me up if my parents deserted me, and He did. My parent's were too busy fighting to notice any of their children and to notice the effect their fighting had on us. My grandmother had come to see us after being in Florida with her brother after her son died. She and my Dad didn't get along, and she said since he didn't want her there, she was going back to California where she could find work and find a place to live. She was one of my main supporters when I decided after I'd turned 18, to move back to San Diego. After she left, I wrote her and asked if she could help me get back to San Diego. She sent me $50.00 and my Mom gave me the rest I'd need for my ticket. My Mom didn't want me to go, but I told her that I wasn't going to stay and let my Dad treat me the way he treated her. She begged me to stay. But I told her I was leaving and that was that. I paid for an airplane ticket and had enough for my luggage even though I was taking 65lbs over the luggage allowance. I took all my records, all the pictures I had drawn of the Beatles, my annuals and all my clothes and my Bible. I had turned to God in prayer one night, and I told Him, if he'd be my Father, I'd do whatever he asked of me. And I meant it. So, on the 30th of May, 1965, I said goodbye to my family, walked across the tarmac to the plane, got onboard and began my life's journey. I was grown up I thought and ready to be on my own. I'd find a job, and find a place to live and all would be gravy. I'd surprise my boyfriend because he didn't know I was flying back to San Diego. I'd show my Dad that I was grown up enough to be on my own. But I didn't know what the future held for me. Nobody ever does. Life is what happens to you while you're making plans!
God needed my attention so he could help me. My friends would have been a distraction and I'd never have had peace of mind enough to look for something outside myself. I'd have never found what I needed to sustain me in difficult times. I just couldn't see it then. But I do now. Watch yourself. Do you act differently with your friends, than you do when you're alone? Do you follow the crowd and go nuts over the latest trends in fashion and the latest things that catch on with the crowds of people? I bet you find yourself doing what ever is necessary to fit in. You have to have the latest shoes, clothes and see all the latest movies and all the rest of it. My Dad gave me some advice that stuck with me over the years. He told me to "Be you own person, and don't follow the crowd. They don't know where they're going any more than you do." "Be independant." But he's gone now, and I can't tell him how much I cried when I realized he was really gone too, and I'd never see him again here on earth. My poor Dad. So misunderstood, and so confused himself. He would never take up for us. People just walked on us at times and we had no one to take care of us. But what I'm trying to say is that your parents are human beings. They make mistakes. But they do love you and only want the best for you.
So, when you think they're being unfair, maybe they are doing what they're doing for your benefit. Try to see it from both sides, yours and theirs. My parent's made a lot of mistakes. They fought a lot, and called each other awful names. When I was young I would try to sleep with a pillow wrapped around my head so I didn't have to hear them fighting. My grandma lived with us too and she hated my Dad and he hated her. One time, my grandma caught my Dad getting in my Mom's purse, and instead of minding her own business, she called out to my Mom and told her that he was getting in her purse. He told her to mind her own business and called her a hag, and she started chasing him through the house with a knife telling him she was going to cut his yellow guts out! He picked up a wooden magazine rack and threw it at her and it hit the wall and broke into a lot of little pieces. Magazines went everywhere, and I was always closer to my Dad than my Mom, at least at first. It upset me to say the least. My Dad left the house and my Mom didn't say a word to anyone. My little sister needed new shoes because she had peed on the only ones she had and they were stiff and uncomfortable on her little feet. I can't imagine what was going on in her little head. She was just a little girl, without anyone to protect her. I wasn't old enough to know what to do. My brother was as mean as a snake and he would just laugh and do something mean when they were fighting. They wern't paying attention to what we were doing and he would pinch me and pull my hair and call me names. He was spoiled rotten because he was sick a lot when he was little. Kris was sick and almost died when he was a baby and maybe that's why he gets preferential treatment. I don't condone that. He needs to learn that he can't have just whatever he wants, when he want's it and I don't think that's fair to anyone. But your Mom and Dad are in charge, and even though you may not agree with them, you still have to do what they tell you to do. Try not to get too angry because Kris will hopefully grow out of it. It's good for him to be in school and learn how to use his "manders" as he calls manners. He will grow and learn in school, and the older he gets the better he will be. He will learn, even if it has to be the hard way. So, when you have to let him have your things, even though he doesn't really know how to play it, just try to be patient and find something else to do. That is what God would have you do. You all need to help Kris learn how to treat others and if you're good to him and don't fight with him, he may turn around and give the game back to you. Like the other night when he didn't want to turn off the game and leave with Mommy, he started to throw a fit and your Uncle Alex just tickled him and played with him and made him start laughing. Then he got up, turned off the machine, and got his shoes on and got ready to leave and he was laughing. Learn this lesson well, and it will help you deal better with Kris. You are all a lot older than Kris and it is kind of a little bit your responsibility to deal with him in a mature way and when you can be patient and give him what you want to do without being sarcastic to your Mom, you will show him in the long run, how to behave with your brothers and sisters. It will make a difference the more you do it. He will learn how to give up things to others in a more mature way. When you get mad, remember that God said to obey your Mother and your Father that you may have a long and happy life. There are other things to do besides play on the game machines. You have abilities that Kris hasn't developed yet. When he learns how to read and write and do other things, the game machine won't hold as much interest for him.
But I have strayed away from what I was trying to tell you. I will give you the same advice my Dad gave me, because in life I found out that he was right. Don't follow the crowd. Don't hang out with people who like to get you in trouble. Don't do it just because "everyone else is doing it", "why can't I?" Your parents know what's best for you. Follow what they tell you because they have been here a lot longer than you have, and they are supposed to be your guiding influence until you are old enough to make your own decisions. I have had a lot of bad experiences in life, and when you get older I will tell you what they were. I take a lot of medications, a lot for my blood pressure and heart, but I take medication that affects my moods as well. If I ever come across like I am mad at you, forgive me. I am not mad at you, I just want to help you grow up to be good people. I am not your parent, but I am your Grandparent, and I appreciate the respect you show for me and your love and hugs and kisses. I realize Brian that you are growing up and don't like me to kiss you. I have stopped doing that and won't make you uncomfortable ever again. I love you and that's enough said. I think you are really smart, and I think you are very talented. You are a good "big" brother and you will make a big impact on your little brothers life. He want's to do what you do. It doesn't matter what it is, if he see's you do it, he'll want to too. So be careful what you do. Don't sass your Mom. Don't be disrespectful to others. Be kind and generous with your friends and pick your friends carefully. Don't learn every curse word you can, and don't be a trouble maker in school. There are plenty of those types around and it's sad that their parent's didn't train them better. But don't follow that type of behavior. Be your own person. Make your own rules based upon what your parents and grandparents have taught you. You probably know from being here so much, we don't have tons of money. We don't go out to eat very often and we give you toys on your birthday and Christmas. I'd love to take you all shopping and buy you things, and this coming year, I will save money for such things as that. But we don't try to get every dollar we can by working 5 of 6 jobs. We don't live above our means, and we have other interests besides money. It is good to learn that you have to work for your money. But don't love money so much you'd give up having a normal life just to have tons of money. The Bible says, "The LOVE of money is the root of all evil!" To love money is a worldly thing and you can't love God and put him first and love MONEY, more than you love God or your parents and brothers and sisters. People matter. Not how much money they have.
There use to be a statue you could buy that had 3 little monkeys on it. The first one was "See no evil", and he had his hands over his eyes. The next one was "Hear no evil", and he had his hands over his ears, and the last one was "Speak no evil", and he had his hands over his mouth. If you remember these 3 things, you will be ahead of the game of life. Don't watch evil things, don't listen to evil, and don't speak evil of others. Guard your heart and mind for in these two areas, you decide what kind of a life you are going to live. Protect your heart and your mind, by not allowing evil intents to enter your heart, and no evil thoughts to enter your mind. What you think, you become. The Bible says, "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he." What you think, you become. Try to be a pleasant person, always looking for ways to help others. Sew the seeds of kindness and generosity, and goodness and fairness and when you grow old, you can look back on a life well lived and have no regrets. Take advantage of your youth and learn as much as you can about the world you live in and your place in the grand scheme of things. You have a purpose in life. It is up to you to find out what that purpose is. You aren't here to decorate the planet. You are here to learn, grow wise, live a godly life, be kind to others, and set a good example for those who are younger and more inexperienced than you are. Don't display ill manners and be a sarcastic person. Try to be helpful and look for ways to show your kindness to others. You are what you think. Guard your mind well. It is the root of all knowledge and you need to gain wisdom as you go through life. Please, learn as much as you can and don't be foolish with your time. Time is fleeting. It goes by quickly. I am 65, and yet I can remember being 18 and it doesn't seem so long ago. But the time went by fast, and I learned a lot, and I am still here to teach you how to be good people and give you advice that will carry you a long way in life. I am the oldest member of the Tyler family, and am considered the Matriarch of the family. I deserve respect and you always give me that. You love me and I love you and hopefully it will always be that way. I will never stop loving you, and I hope I don't ever make you upset with me, because I would be so very sad if you didn't love me anymore. You all mean so much to me and I love you and think you are all smart and good people.
My friends, as I was saying earlier, proved not to have my best interest at heart. They were worldly and didn't care about me. Not really. They had their own agenda, as people do, and I got left out in the cold because I trusted them. You must be careful who you trust. Pick your friends well. Use discretion in all your activities and be good to your siblings. I know siblings fight, I fought with my brother. But as the oldest one of the children, I was expected to set the example. I did my best to do that, but they didn't choose to follow me. I still made decisions that got me a long way in life. I had a lot to offer to the right person. And God sent Jack into my life to love me and protect me from people who would use me. Jack is 2 years younger than I am, but he has always made me feel about 18. He has a lot of experience in life and he was in the Viet Nam War when he was only 17. He did 2 tours of duty in Viet Nam and at one point, he was on the very front end of the boat with 2 machine guns. One for each hand. He could have been hit by a bullet so easily, but God protected him because he was meant to be right where he is today. A part of our family. He is the Patriarch of the Tyler family, and he also deserves your respect. Grandpa has a lot of knowledge. He is sometimes hard to understand, and often he get's mad easy, but he has experienced a lot in life and he and I are best friends as well as husband and wife. That's how it's always been for us. We were friends first, and then learned to love each other. It wasn't hard. I still love him as much as I did on the day I married him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, and he gave me a family to love and raise and take care of. I hope I did a good job. I did the best I knew how and my kids all love me, and hopefully all my grandkids will always love me too.
I only have your best interest in mind when I write these words for you. They are meant to be a guideline for you in this crazy world with all it's complexity and division. One of the best things you can be is a peacemaker. Someone who can bring sense and reason to any given situation. It is hard being a peacemaker, because you have to see all sides of the picture. But it is so rewarding because whenever you bring peace to a situation, you grow a little more in stature and in understanding. God smiles on the peacemakers. Bring unity and peace to every situation you can, and you will have a rich and rewarding life. When you are selfish and mean, you only have all your own things to keep you company, because other people will steer clear of you. Nobody wants to be around somebody that is selfish and mean. They bring no good to every situation they are in. Selfish and mean makes you ugly when you get old. If you've enjoyed your life, you will be a happier person and you'd be surprised to know that it takes more muscles in your face to frown, than it does to smile. Practice smiling at people. You may not always get a smile back, but it grows on you. When you make eye contact with someone, smile at them. You'd be surprised what a difference a smile can make in some's life who is having a hard time.
I guess what I am trying to say in a nut-shell, is to be on your good behavior and don't fight with your brother's and sister's. You are a team. You are all on the same team. You can have disagreements, without hating one another. Your sisters need you to be a protector and have their best interest at heart. Your brothers look at you to see how they should behave. Just be aware as you go through life, that you aren't here on planet earth alone. We are all here together and we all need to work together, to make planet earth the best we possibly can for everyone. Unity. Peace. Power in silence. Read and learn, grasshoppers. Read and learn.
Love you, and if you want me to go back to telling you about my own life, then I'll do that. If you like these pointers about life and your role in the grand scheme of things, I will continue in the vein. I am your friend, your grandmother, and I love you. I'd be happy to talk with you about anything I tell you here on this blog. I am trying to leave you a legacy that will enrich your life, and teach you many things from my store of experience.
Love to all of You,
Grandma
