Good Morning grandchildren! I know you are anxious to get the next few days done and overwith because next Wednesday is your last day of school and Christmas will be here on Sunday! But that's a few days off and you have some shopping to do. You are all secret Santa's this year and I think you will have a lot of fun surprising your brother or sister.
I want to go back a little bit to when I first met your Grandpa. We both were working in the same office and we started dating and I've covered all that earlier. But there is one thing I didn't talk about and I want to try to convey to you what it has done for me over the years. Your Grandpa is not a Christian, he is a Taoist. That is an ancient Chinese Way, or as you would call it, a religion. They don't beleve in a Supreme Being, the way Christians believe in God. But the Tao is the life force of the Universe and for me, after reading his books for 35 years, the Tao and my God are one in the same. I am a Christian, and always have been. But the Tao books have helped me tremendously to understand the deeper aspects of how God's spirit is manifested in the Universe, and I studied his books until the pages have all come loose from the binding. I plan to get a small binder and use a hole punch and put the loose pages in the binder so they don't get lost. Because there is so much to learn about the Tao, I will start with a lesson that helped me to overcome personal problems that have been a detriment to me as a person. This lesson will really benefit you if you learn it young and don't wait for problems to start piling up in your head and your heart. Listen well, and try to put these truths into practice and you will have a fruitful life. Being in touch with the life force of the Universe is a great power that you can use all your life, and the younger you learn about it, the more your life will flow smoothly. You will of course run into obstacles in your path, and you will have to deal with them. But this will give you knowledge that few people have. You will rise above the difficulties in life and it is important to know that you will have to deal with these problems instead of just saying God will handle it for me. You are given a life to live, and even though God created you and has knowledge of you that no one else has, still you must live your life and it is inevitable that you will face obstacles. We all do. This lesson is a combination of 2 of the Taoist parables. The first aspect is about expressing yourself. It has helped me over the years to maintain a journal. In this journal, I have expressed my innermost thoughts about things. It is important that you have a personal self and keep track of your dreams and thoughts as you go through life. There will be things you don't want to express outloud about others who may have offended you, or problems you are having in school or at home. Expressing yourself in a journal helps you keep track of what's important to you at any given time. You must express what is within you because if you don't, you will be stunted emotionally and all the anger, or frustration, or even joy you have about any given situation will grow stagnant like a dirty body of water where your reflection is cloudy. You can't function adequately in life with all the built up resentment you may feel. You may feel you can't tell a person how you feel because it would hurt them. You still have to express that anger or the pain someone may have caused you. I have had many journals and I used to think that they were too repetitous and of little value. But, the very lesson I read this morning in the Tao Book was about water. The weakest element in the Universe. But water can render mountains sand over time. The ocean can destroy things after an earthquake by developing tidal waves. But all water starts as drops. Water is relentless. Even so, repetitious prayers can reduce your problems over time until they are rendered helpless to stop the titanic force that is your spirit.
Your spirit is your life force. What you call it doesn't matter. You can call it God, or the Tao, or whatever name you choose to apply to it. But you must respect it. You need to respect yourself and take good care of your body, as your body is the house for your spirit and that unites you. You don't want to always put in bad food. If you constantly eat bad food, and are slovenly in your habits, your spirit will grow cloudy and contaminated and anything you try to do will be tainted with bad habits. You must keep your body clean, you must feed it the proper food, and you must exercise to keep all your joints and muscles and tendons and bones in top condition so your body will serve you and your life will be all you want it to be. I haven't always known this, and that is evident because Grandma is overweight. I was never taught to eat the right foods, was fed the wrong things while I was too young to understand that good nutrition will prevent many chronic diseases that can end your life. My family on my mother's side all had coronary artery disease and they all died young with problems with their hearts. I too have coronary artery disease, I had a heart attack at 43 years of age. My Grandfather died at 43 with a heart attack, my mother's brother died at 46, and my own mother died at 55. My father died at 65 of pneumonia, after having open heart surgery which gave him massive strokes because the heart and lung machine they hooked his body up to failed and the results left him unable to move on his own. He was bedfast for the rest of his life and had to be fed by a tube in his throat. They would pour liquid food into a container that had a tube attached to it and the other end of the tube was inserted into his throat and down into his stomach. All of these things could have been prevented if they had taken the proper care of their bodies. I have been heavy all my life except for one year when I had lost a lot of weight. I didn't lose it the right way, and when you don't change your basic eating habits, you will be facing a life of going up and down in your weight and you will never be succesful at living a healthy life. What you put into your body is important. All my family members smoked, except me. I don't have hardened arteries like my mother and father because I never smoked. This is a dangerous habit. It will kill you. My mother never changed her eating habits, and didn't do anything to try and stop smoking. She literally killed herself with food and cigarettes. The reason I am still alive is because when I had my heart attack, I learned about the changes I would have to make in order to live, and I made the changes. We don't eat bacon, sausage, greasy foods, pork, fatty red meat's, and so on. We started eating more fish, chicken, vegetables, fresh fruit, less cheese, and so on. I ate Healthy Choice dinners every night and lowered my cholesterol. The diet I am on now is to reduce the amount of fat I have in my blood. It will bring down my tryglicerides which is what the fat is called. It has been a struggle for me all my life, simply because I developed bad eating habits and led a life with little or no exercise. I am telling you this because you need to know that eating pizza and fast food will eventually put weight on your body that will be difficult to lose. The amount of candy and cake and cookies and all the rest of the sweet category will put pounds on your body that are harmful to your health. Learn now. I will teach you and try to help you eat healthy. I need to change even more of what I eat because I want to lose as much weight as I can safely. There is a right way to lose weight, and it's not by getting shots that do it for you, or having liposuction or an operation that ties off a part of your stomach so you can't eat as much. You have to develop healthy eating habits when you are young so you never have to go through what I have been through. It's important. Supremely important to take care of your body. Your spirit needs a healthy body to express itself with. The Tao is life. Your spirit is who you really are. You want to be strong and healthy and vibrant with this life force. It will guide you, and enlighten you and give you power.
There are many different religions in the world, they all think they are the best and everyone else is wrong. Not so. We are all striving for the same thing. Peace. There is a mountain you must ascend and at the top of that spiritual mountain is the power of the Universe, or God, or The Tao, or The Buddha, etc. As I said before, it doesn't matter what you call it. It is all the same force that created everything and existed before all time. If you want to know more about this, you can talk to your Grandpa about it. He knows things about it that I haven't discovered yet. But I read the Tao lessons every day and I also read about God and the way of the Buddha. I find great enjoyment in this, and great power to live my life and to be a strong person for myself, and my family. I pray every day, meditate and listen to what Venus calls my Hypnosis Music. I find great peace and serenity in this life, and I appreciate everything the Universe has seen fit to send my way. What you give out, comes back to you. You all mean the world to me and I look at your perfect young bodies and your beautiful faces and I try to feed you healthy foods. The most important thing though is to have healthy thoughts. What you think, you eventually become. If you are always angry and frustrated, that's what you become. If you are peaceful and kind and loving, that will be what you become. And you are allowed to make that choice for yourself.
Please listen and consider and think about what I am telling you. I love you more than words can say, and I don't ever want to come to see you in the hospital because you are sick with diseases that could have been prevented. I want to enlighten you, because I see you as gifts from God. You bring me great joy and great happiness and I have a duty to you just like I had with my own children. I don't want to fail you and I want you to be healthy in your body, your mind, and your spirit. There is so much to learn in life, but what I am telling you is the most important. Find your center early in life. Go within, to your heart and discover what lies there dormant, waiting for you to discover it. Life is an adventure. You can live it with gusto, and look forward to every new day as something wonderful! A challenge from the Universe to live the best day of your life, every day. The choice is up to you. Will you be pessimisic and sour about life, or will you embrace that life force and change the world for the better by who you become? This is the silent question that the Universe is asking you. Who will you be? Make a choice and follow through. The Universe is waiting to help you. A wise man once said, "Be the change you want to see in the world". This is one of the wisest things I've ever read, and I try to do it every day. This entry is my best Christmas gift to you. I hope you'll read it and take from it the love I feel for you. It's monumetal, this choice....it can change your whole life.
Merry Christmas Grandkids! I love you all!
Love, Grandma
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Our First Christmas Together
I am going to revert for a little, to the Christmases we have shared, first as husband and wife, and then as parents. The very first Christmas we had together, we had no tree. We had a plastic palm tree in our living room which I had bought for my second apartment. We were married the day before on my birthday. We went shopping that afternoon for the gifts for our families, and we really hadn't given a tree a second thought. We hung our Christmas cards on the palm tree, and exchanged our gifts, a sweater for me, which I still have, and a hat for Jack, which I think ended up in storage. We were out and about most of Christmas day, delivering gifts and drinking Tom and Jerry's at Jack's Moms house. We got home late and I think we went for a drive through "Camelot" (my name for San Diego).
By the next Christmas, we had our twin sons. We strapped them in their Gerry Bags, strapped them to ourselves, and we went shopping for a tree. Of course people wanted to see the twins and they were so little. One elderly lady expressed her concern over having them out and about as little as they were, but we were proud parents and loved taking them with us everywhere. We bought a 3' artificial tree and some lights and took it home. Jacks Grandma gave us some ornaments that had belonged to her mother, and we had bought some of our own. We spent the day taking care of the babies and decorating for Christmas. That evening I brought the babies out to the living room in their bassinet and put them close to the tree. The lights were glowing sofly on their baby blankets and reflected in their blue eyes. My heart was so full of happines and joy. We had a friend over for dinner, and he told Jack, "You have it all." And we still do.
We kept the little tree for quite a while and we have pictures of the boys standing in front of the tree when they were about 2. They loved looking at the lights and presents and it was difficult to have them wait to open everything. We moved shortly thereafter because Alex developed Asthma and the house was damp and it was hard on him. We looked for a place and found an apartment in Casa De Oro, where it wasn't as cold and damp. We moved in and enjoyed our new surroundings. We had a dishwasher, which was a big help, and close to our place was the laundry facility, which also was a big help. We used the little tree once again, and Christmas was rather sparse that year. By the next year, we were in a different apartment, but used the same tree. We had a little more money and bought the kids everything we could. We had a pool, the laundry was right at the foot of the stairs, and we were really close to the grocery stores. We were there for a few years, and then we moved to the house we were to live in for the next 17 years.
At the new house, I was sick one year, and Jack and the kids decorated the tree, while I laid on the sofa with a tissue box, some tissues and cough drops and cold medicine. The year before, they had gone out while I was cleaning and it was right after Christmas. They found a huge tree that was marked down to half the orignal price so the kids lined up, and Jack pushed the tree over and the kids caught it, and they all carried it out of the store and brought it home. I don't really remember now what happened to the little tree. We had used it for years and it was getting sort of tattered and used up. The big tree was used for years. I have always loved Christmas. It is my favorite holiday of the year and we always tried to do well by the kids, and each other.
Now the kids are grown, and we have 7 grandchildren to shop for as well as the adults. There are now 14 members in the family, not including the in-laws and it has gotten more expensive. We all have a great time, and this year, we sort of have more of a handle on things, and started decorating sooner and buying things in advance of the Christmas rush.
This year my daughter and two of our granddaughters are busy decorating the outside of the house and the inside is already done and it's only the 5th of December. On the 9th we will get our Christmas money and the rush to shop will be on.
One year, when our first grandson was about 4, his little sister Venus got a baby bed for her doll, and having a fire place, we of course had a fire. Little Brian decided he wanted to go to sleep, and climbed into the doll bed by the fire. He was so warm and cozy he drifted off to sleep and we still haven't figured out how he managed to curl himself up small enough to fit in the doll bed, but we have pictures to show him when he's grown. He is 13 now and taller than I am. Four of our grandchildren live in San Diego, and the other 3 live in Colorado. But even with 4 children and 5 adults to shop for, the living room is usually packed with presents.
All in all, we all have a great time. This year, my husband had to get his truck fixed and that took $1,738.00. But we are still going to have a merry holiday, and the kids will be shopping for one another this year as well. We are trying to get across to them that it is more blessed to give than to receive and they are making an effort to be more mature and think of others this year. They all picked names, and will be purchasing something nice for one another.
Christmas is a fun time of year, a chance to let your loved ones know you care about them, and to enjoy the fun of opening presents, baking Christmas goodies, and sharing a good meal. We have a home, a fireplace that makes it cozy, and even a beautiful Beagle to make the picture complete. He likes to lay by the fire and sleep. It seems that's about it for him, he sleeps, barks at the mail-man and everyone else that walks up the street, and eats everything in sight! Still, he's lovable and beautiful and our home wouldn't be the same without him.
The other day the children were all here in the evening and we all watched the Polar Express and had soda and popcorn. It's the little things that make Christmas so special. This year our youngest grandson is 4 and the girls are 10 and 11, and our oldest grandson is 13. We will have a lot of fun together and I have the best Christmas present of all, a family.
Look around this year at the little things that make Christmas special. You don't have to be rich to enjoy Christmas. It's the love in your heart that makes it special. Give generously of your love, and make your home a warm and inviting place for all.
Merry Christmas to All,
Bonnie
By the next Christmas, we had our twin sons. We strapped them in their Gerry Bags, strapped them to ourselves, and we went shopping for a tree. Of course people wanted to see the twins and they were so little. One elderly lady expressed her concern over having them out and about as little as they were, but we were proud parents and loved taking them with us everywhere. We bought a 3' artificial tree and some lights and took it home. Jacks Grandma gave us some ornaments that had belonged to her mother, and we had bought some of our own. We spent the day taking care of the babies and decorating for Christmas. That evening I brought the babies out to the living room in their bassinet and put them close to the tree. The lights were glowing sofly on their baby blankets and reflected in their blue eyes. My heart was so full of happines and joy. We had a friend over for dinner, and he told Jack, "You have it all." And we still do.
We kept the little tree for quite a while and we have pictures of the boys standing in front of the tree when they were about 2. They loved looking at the lights and presents and it was difficult to have them wait to open everything. We moved shortly thereafter because Alex developed Asthma and the house was damp and it was hard on him. We looked for a place and found an apartment in Casa De Oro, where it wasn't as cold and damp. We moved in and enjoyed our new surroundings. We had a dishwasher, which was a big help, and close to our place was the laundry facility, which also was a big help. We used the little tree once again, and Christmas was rather sparse that year. By the next year, we were in a different apartment, but used the same tree. We had a little more money and bought the kids everything we could. We had a pool, the laundry was right at the foot of the stairs, and we were really close to the grocery stores. We were there for a few years, and then we moved to the house we were to live in for the next 17 years.
At the new house, I was sick one year, and Jack and the kids decorated the tree, while I laid on the sofa with a tissue box, some tissues and cough drops and cold medicine. The year before, they had gone out while I was cleaning and it was right after Christmas. They found a huge tree that was marked down to half the orignal price so the kids lined up, and Jack pushed the tree over and the kids caught it, and they all carried it out of the store and brought it home. I don't really remember now what happened to the little tree. We had used it for years and it was getting sort of tattered and used up. The big tree was used for years. I have always loved Christmas. It is my favorite holiday of the year and we always tried to do well by the kids, and each other.
Now the kids are grown, and we have 7 grandchildren to shop for as well as the adults. There are now 14 members in the family, not including the in-laws and it has gotten more expensive. We all have a great time, and this year, we sort of have more of a handle on things, and started decorating sooner and buying things in advance of the Christmas rush.
This year my daughter and two of our granddaughters are busy decorating the outside of the house and the inside is already done and it's only the 5th of December. On the 9th we will get our Christmas money and the rush to shop will be on.
One year, when our first grandson was about 4, his little sister Venus got a baby bed for her doll, and having a fire place, we of course had a fire. Little Brian decided he wanted to go to sleep, and climbed into the doll bed by the fire. He was so warm and cozy he drifted off to sleep and we still haven't figured out how he managed to curl himself up small enough to fit in the doll bed, but we have pictures to show him when he's grown. He is 13 now and taller than I am. Four of our grandchildren live in San Diego, and the other 3 live in Colorado. But even with 4 children and 5 adults to shop for, the living room is usually packed with presents.
All in all, we all have a great time. This year, my husband had to get his truck fixed and that took $1,738.00. But we are still going to have a merry holiday, and the kids will be shopping for one another this year as well. We are trying to get across to them that it is more blessed to give than to receive and they are making an effort to be more mature and think of others this year. They all picked names, and will be purchasing something nice for one another.
Christmas is a fun time of year, a chance to let your loved ones know you care about them, and to enjoy the fun of opening presents, baking Christmas goodies, and sharing a good meal. We have a home, a fireplace that makes it cozy, and even a beautiful Beagle to make the picture complete. He likes to lay by the fire and sleep. It seems that's about it for him, he sleeps, barks at the mail-man and everyone else that walks up the street, and eats everything in sight! Still, he's lovable and beautiful and our home wouldn't be the same without him.
The other day the children were all here in the evening and we all watched the Polar Express and had soda and popcorn. It's the little things that make Christmas so special. This year our youngest grandson is 4 and the girls are 10 and 11, and our oldest grandson is 13. We will have a lot of fun together and I have the best Christmas present of all, a family.
Look around this year at the little things that make Christmas special. You don't have to be rich to enjoy Christmas. It's the love in your heart that makes it special. Give generously of your love, and make your home a warm and inviting place for all.
Merry Christmas to All,
Bonnie
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
And the Beat Goes On
The months I got to spend with our new babies were some of the best of my life. I would get up with Jack, make his breakfast and see him off to work. By then the babies would be awake and hungry, so I would warm up the bottles, change the babies into new diapers and fresh clothes, and feed them. Jack had found bottle holders that we braced with books and the babies would eat, and after burping and changing their bottoms again, they'd drift off to sleep and I could grab a bite to eat and make up the formula 9 bottles at a time. I loved my babies so much, but with 2 to change and feed, new formula to make up, bottles to steralize, and baby clothes to wash out by hand, I didn't know to take the time to sit down and hold each one and feed them, and coo and fuss over them. I was so busy, and after my parents trying to steal them, I had no help. Jack helped in the evenings because I would be so tired. I would bathe one, and he would dry and dress him while I bathed the other one. We fed them together in the evening's and it wasn't long until I put them on cereal. They loved it, especially Brian. He would grab at the spoon and try to feed himself. They were about 6 weeks old at the time.
We had Thanksgiving with Jack's Mom and Grandma because my parents had done the unforgivable, and I wasn't about to go there and see them. They had cut any ties I might have felt we still had and staying away from them was not difficult. I had lots of love to fill my life and the twins drew attention wherever we went. Even the doctor had said he'd take them off my hands after the first year! Joking, of course. Jack and I didn't get a tree for our first Christmas together. We hung our Christmas cards on a fake tree I had bought for my apartment. So, with our first Christmas with the boys, we took them with us to the store and bought a small artificial tree that we set up in the corner of the living room. We decorated with lights of course, and some globes we bought, plus some of Jack's Great Grandmother's globes. It was beautiful to us, even if it was little. We kept it and used it for years.
We had some friends that worked at the Hobby Nut where we bought the items we needed to make the cake topper, and Jack also played war games on the weekends at the store. One of the girls that worked there, made us a macrame plant hanger using blue and white and little teddy bears. We went to see them and took the twins. We invited one of our friends, who owned the shop, for dinner one evening. Jack had been at work, and I had cleaned the living room and kitchen and made a delicious dinner. I had candles lit and music playing and the babies were asleep in the bassinet Mom had bought. Because of what they did to us, we didn't see them that Christmas. They missed a lot because of their hateful actions towards us. But, back to the story, our friend told Jack that evening, "You have it all!" The tree was turned on with the lights softly glowing over the babies sleeping peacefully, and even though we didn't have the biggest, or best house, filled with beautiful belongings, we had something that money can't buy...love.
That Christmas we went to see Kay and Helen, and Helen Marie, Jacks Mom, Grandma, and younger Sister. They bought me some pants, a blouse, and a new purse and wallet for pictures of the babies. They got Jack some things, and I don't remember what they bought for the boys.
We were tight on money, but I think we were able to get them some gifts. I think one of them was a TV lamp for Jack's Mom. Probably slippers or something like that for Grandma Helen. With Helen Marie I just don't remember, although we bought her a lot on her birthday which was New Years Eve.
Eventually, I had to return to work, so we had to find a babysitter who would take 2 newborns. There was a man at work who said his wife could watch them. Their kids were grown, and she watched other kids as well. So we made arrangements with them to watch the boys. I didn't want to leave them, but I knew we would need the money, and I had worked since I was 19. So it felt normal to be back at work and I knew the boys were safe with Mrs. Okel. The pace was hectic, but with the love I was receiving from Jack and the boys, I got stronger and more able to do whatever I needed to do for our family. Jack would make the store runs and come home with huge sacks of baby-food, plastic pants, bibs, formula, new bottles, and many of the things we needed for the boys. Jack and I pretty much existed on TV Dinners as we had always done, and a lot of times we bought lunch off the lunch wagon when it came around.
Time flew by, and it had been 3 months that my folks hadn't seen the babies. I was still angry and hurt, but I had what I needed and I wasn't about to jeopardize my family by associating with people who would do such a thing to their own daughter. One day, the phone rang and Herb answered the phone and passed it to me. It was my Dad. He asked me to please bring the babies by so Mom could see them, before she had a heart attack. They always were melodramatic. He was a fine one to tell me about stress. When I needed him, he didn't have the time of day for me. He asked, "What about me, what about my life?" when my first psychiatrist called him. He left me with all his responsibilities and could't have cared less about my Mom's heart. We talked for a bit and I told him I would have to think about it long and hard before I made a decision. I told Jack about it that evening on our way home. He told me it was up to me. I thought about God and what He would want me to do. I decided I'd try to forgive them, which was asking a lot, and the next Saturday we went to Chula Vista to see them. The boys were pretty hefty by then. The whole family came out to the car to take the boys. I knew they didn't care about seeing me or Jack. They wanted to see the twins. They took them inside where they had been having breakfast. The boys sat with them at the table and helped them finish their breakfast. Conversation was really difficult. I had had a run in with post partum depression, and the new doctor I saw put me on Lithium. I was doing better, but still on medication. They couldn't have cared less. They only had eyes for the babies.
Years would pass before anyone even made an attempt at telling me they were sorry. My Mom had a major heart attack when the boys were 4 and 1/2 years old. Our little girl was barely 3 and doesn't remember a thing about them, except that she was never included at their house. They were almost nurotic in their love for the boys. They couldn't see that they had a sweet, loving little grand daughter. But on her death bed, as I stood by her in the emergency room of Bay General looking at the blood on her hand where they had put in a needle and tube, she opened her eyes and looked at me and she said "Bonnie, I'm sorry." Those were the last words she ever spoke to me. I vowed then and there, that I would strive to never have to say that to anyone on my death bed. Especially to one of my own family members. It was inevitable that she'd die young. She had inherited heart disease from her Father's side of the family, and she smoked. She had already had to have the arteries from her heart to her legs replaced because she had hardening of the arteries from smoking. She refused to try to change her eating habits, saying "If you can't even have what you want to eat, why try!" She apparently could find no reason to make the effort. Even though she had the grandkids, it wasn't enough.
Through the years that preceeded her death, we had made an effort to be civil to them whether they deserved it or not. At one point, they decided that we needed a better car for the babies, and my Mom and Brother decided to put sugar in the gas tank of our little fiat and it ruined the car. We were forced to buy a new car, when we had little enough money as it was. It's just incredible the things they did to us. They showed no care or consideration for us in the least. But through it all, Jack and I got closer and closer and stronger and stronger. With us, it was back to back aginst the world.
Alex developed asthma in the house we lived in. The house was cold and damp and mold was starting to grow on the inside of the walls. I talked to a friend of mine at work one day, and she said she and her husband would loan us the money to put down on an apartment we found out in Casa de Oro where it was warmer and dryer, and we could pay them back when we got our taxes. We signed a note from them, which is what her husband asked for. He was an accountant, and took precautions as he didn't really know us. She was such a good friend. We both worked for the IRS, and she had trained me. The day we decided to move, she watched the 3 kids for us, and Jack and I made trip after trip from North Park to Spring Valley. When we had everything in the house, we went to get the kids. She had bathed all 3 of them, and her husband had gone to KFC to get dinner. She had a little boy who was younger than our boys, but was twice their size. She thought he was a handful until she watched our kids. It wasn't that our kids were bad, but what one of them didn't think of to do, the other one did. They were just inquisitive and wanted to know how everything worked. Poor Diane must have been exhausted after a day with 4 kids. But they were good people, and we paid them back when our tax return came in. At work, one of the revenue officers that was in my group, said he had a bed he wanted to replace and asked if anyone needed one. We did, so one weekend we went and picked up a queen size mattress and box springs. We also had replaced our little vinyl orange couch on the black frames with a large, gold sofa. The kids loved the new sofa, and Sidra learned to walk by pulling herself up on the sofa and taking a hesitant step toward me one morning while I was working in the kitchen. I had stopped doing whatever I was doing, and had just turned around when she took her first step. The boys were at the baby-sitters house when she did this or she would have never made it. They would run by her and the wind would knock her over on her bottom. Jack even did a cartoon of poor little Sidra trying to walk as the two boys would dart by her and down she'd go. But they loved their sister. They were just very active and into mischief a lot of the time. Once they took the carbon ribbon off our old typewriter and tied each other up in it, and that was when they were still in walkers! Brian had at one point, rolled over to a plant by the TV and filled his tray full of dirt, and his mouth too! I was doing something in another room and I heard one of them gagging. I ran to see what it was, and Jack was laughing his butt off. Brian eventually spit most of it out and we tried to rinse his mouth out. Whenever they were really quiet, it paid off to go and see what they were up to. Once, they closed the doors to their bedroom, and took powder bottle and squeezed it till all the powder was in the air around them. I don't know how they didn't suffocate themselves! But we loved them and had lots of fun taking them out shopping and for drives to get them to go to sleep. Because they were born early, and I guess because they were twins, their nervous systems wern't completely developed until they were 3 years old. They didn't sleep through the night for the first 3 years. It was quite often that Jack would wake up before me and take them out driving so I could get some more shut eye before I had to get up and get ready to go to work.
Eventally we moved from our little apartment to a 3 bedroom apartment with a pool and a balcony. One of the bedrooms had double doors, and I guess you could use it for a library or whatever you wanted if not for a bedroom. The place was really big after the little apartment. Sidra kept saying she wanted to go home. She missed the little place and didn't understand we were home. The manager we had at first liked kids and had no trouble with them playing outside. But the apartments changed hands and the new manager refused to let kids play outside. Our kids were all little, and needed a place where they could run and play outside. So, one day Jack had me go to work, and he went house-hunting. That evening he picked me up from work and we went to see the house he had found. The yard was sort of messed up, but I liked the house. It had a large living room with an open beam ceiling, a nice size dining room and kitchen, 3 bedooms, a family room, and a patio and nice backyard. I really liked it, and the person renting it out seemed nice. She liked me, I learned later, and so we made arrangements to move in. The first day was the 1st of May and we decided to leave everything in boxes and took the kids to Disneyland to celebrate. We stayed for the fireworks at midnight, then took the kids and made our departure. When we got to the car, we changed them all on the tailgate into their pajamas. We had brought blankets and pillows, and once they were tucked in we got in the car and began our journey home. The kids were asleep before we got out of the parking lot.
We stopped at Jack-In-the-Box for coffee about half way home and we had to roll down the windows and turn on the radio to keep ourselves awake. When we got home, we carried the kids in the house, tucked them in their beds, and went to bed ourselves. Thus we began our new life, and the kids grew 3 sizes that summer because they could go outside and run and play like normal kids. It gave them all good appetites and they would run in and out all day long eating and getting into the milk and orange juice. They were beautiful, healthy, and happy, and so were we. The backyard was really nice. On sunny days, I'd make iced tea and sit out back and enjoy it.
There were many changes in store for us, and life would bring us many challenges, but we were up for it. In the next chapter, I will talk about those changes and the fun we had being in a house and have a nice yard and good neighbors. So stay tuned, and I'll be back soon with more about the Tyler Gang!
Love You Grandkids,
G-Maw
We had Thanksgiving with Jack's Mom and Grandma because my parents had done the unforgivable, and I wasn't about to go there and see them. They had cut any ties I might have felt we still had and staying away from them was not difficult. I had lots of love to fill my life and the twins drew attention wherever we went. Even the doctor had said he'd take them off my hands after the first year! Joking, of course. Jack and I didn't get a tree for our first Christmas together. We hung our Christmas cards on a fake tree I had bought for my apartment. So, with our first Christmas with the boys, we took them with us to the store and bought a small artificial tree that we set up in the corner of the living room. We decorated with lights of course, and some globes we bought, plus some of Jack's Great Grandmother's globes. It was beautiful to us, even if it was little. We kept it and used it for years.
We had some friends that worked at the Hobby Nut where we bought the items we needed to make the cake topper, and Jack also played war games on the weekends at the store. One of the girls that worked there, made us a macrame plant hanger using blue and white and little teddy bears. We went to see them and took the twins. We invited one of our friends, who owned the shop, for dinner one evening. Jack had been at work, and I had cleaned the living room and kitchen and made a delicious dinner. I had candles lit and music playing and the babies were asleep in the bassinet Mom had bought. Because of what they did to us, we didn't see them that Christmas. They missed a lot because of their hateful actions towards us. But, back to the story, our friend told Jack that evening, "You have it all!" The tree was turned on with the lights softly glowing over the babies sleeping peacefully, and even though we didn't have the biggest, or best house, filled with beautiful belongings, we had something that money can't buy...love.
That Christmas we went to see Kay and Helen, and Helen Marie, Jacks Mom, Grandma, and younger Sister. They bought me some pants, a blouse, and a new purse and wallet for pictures of the babies. They got Jack some things, and I don't remember what they bought for the boys.
We were tight on money, but I think we were able to get them some gifts. I think one of them was a TV lamp for Jack's Mom. Probably slippers or something like that for Grandma Helen. With Helen Marie I just don't remember, although we bought her a lot on her birthday which was New Years Eve.
Eventually, I had to return to work, so we had to find a babysitter who would take 2 newborns. There was a man at work who said his wife could watch them. Their kids were grown, and she watched other kids as well. So we made arrangements with them to watch the boys. I didn't want to leave them, but I knew we would need the money, and I had worked since I was 19. So it felt normal to be back at work and I knew the boys were safe with Mrs. Okel. The pace was hectic, but with the love I was receiving from Jack and the boys, I got stronger and more able to do whatever I needed to do for our family. Jack would make the store runs and come home with huge sacks of baby-food, plastic pants, bibs, formula, new bottles, and many of the things we needed for the boys. Jack and I pretty much existed on TV Dinners as we had always done, and a lot of times we bought lunch off the lunch wagon when it came around.
Time flew by, and it had been 3 months that my folks hadn't seen the babies. I was still angry and hurt, but I had what I needed and I wasn't about to jeopardize my family by associating with people who would do such a thing to their own daughter. One day, the phone rang and Herb answered the phone and passed it to me. It was my Dad. He asked me to please bring the babies by so Mom could see them, before she had a heart attack. They always were melodramatic. He was a fine one to tell me about stress. When I needed him, he didn't have the time of day for me. He asked, "What about me, what about my life?" when my first psychiatrist called him. He left me with all his responsibilities and could't have cared less about my Mom's heart. We talked for a bit and I told him I would have to think about it long and hard before I made a decision. I told Jack about it that evening on our way home. He told me it was up to me. I thought about God and what He would want me to do. I decided I'd try to forgive them, which was asking a lot, and the next Saturday we went to Chula Vista to see them. The boys were pretty hefty by then. The whole family came out to the car to take the boys. I knew they didn't care about seeing me or Jack. They wanted to see the twins. They took them inside where they had been having breakfast. The boys sat with them at the table and helped them finish their breakfast. Conversation was really difficult. I had had a run in with post partum depression, and the new doctor I saw put me on Lithium. I was doing better, but still on medication. They couldn't have cared less. They only had eyes for the babies.
Years would pass before anyone even made an attempt at telling me they were sorry. My Mom had a major heart attack when the boys were 4 and 1/2 years old. Our little girl was barely 3 and doesn't remember a thing about them, except that she was never included at their house. They were almost nurotic in their love for the boys. They couldn't see that they had a sweet, loving little grand daughter. But on her death bed, as I stood by her in the emergency room of Bay General looking at the blood on her hand where they had put in a needle and tube, she opened her eyes and looked at me and she said "Bonnie, I'm sorry." Those were the last words she ever spoke to me. I vowed then and there, that I would strive to never have to say that to anyone on my death bed. Especially to one of my own family members. It was inevitable that she'd die young. She had inherited heart disease from her Father's side of the family, and she smoked. She had already had to have the arteries from her heart to her legs replaced because she had hardening of the arteries from smoking. She refused to try to change her eating habits, saying "If you can't even have what you want to eat, why try!" She apparently could find no reason to make the effort. Even though she had the grandkids, it wasn't enough.
Through the years that preceeded her death, we had made an effort to be civil to them whether they deserved it or not. At one point, they decided that we needed a better car for the babies, and my Mom and Brother decided to put sugar in the gas tank of our little fiat and it ruined the car. We were forced to buy a new car, when we had little enough money as it was. It's just incredible the things they did to us. They showed no care or consideration for us in the least. But through it all, Jack and I got closer and closer and stronger and stronger. With us, it was back to back aginst the world.
Alex developed asthma in the house we lived in. The house was cold and damp and mold was starting to grow on the inside of the walls. I talked to a friend of mine at work one day, and she said she and her husband would loan us the money to put down on an apartment we found out in Casa de Oro where it was warmer and dryer, and we could pay them back when we got our taxes. We signed a note from them, which is what her husband asked for. He was an accountant, and took precautions as he didn't really know us. She was such a good friend. We both worked for the IRS, and she had trained me. The day we decided to move, she watched the 3 kids for us, and Jack and I made trip after trip from North Park to Spring Valley. When we had everything in the house, we went to get the kids. She had bathed all 3 of them, and her husband had gone to KFC to get dinner. She had a little boy who was younger than our boys, but was twice their size. She thought he was a handful until she watched our kids. It wasn't that our kids were bad, but what one of them didn't think of to do, the other one did. They were just inquisitive and wanted to know how everything worked. Poor Diane must have been exhausted after a day with 4 kids. But they were good people, and we paid them back when our tax return came in. At work, one of the revenue officers that was in my group, said he had a bed he wanted to replace and asked if anyone needed one. We did, so one weekend we went and picked up a queen size mattress and box springs. We also had replaced our little vinyl orange couch on the black frames with a large, gold sofa. The kids loved the new sofa, and Sidra learned to walk by pulling herself up on the sofa and taking a hesitant step toward me one morning while I was working in the kitchen. I had stopped doing whatever I was doing, and had just turned around when she took her first step. The boys were at the baby-sitters house when she did this or she would have never made it. They would run by her and the wind would knock her over on her bottom. Jack even did a cartoon of poor little Sidra trying to walk as the two boys would dart by her and down she'd go. But they loved their sister. They were just very active and into mischief a lot of the time. Once they took the carbon ribbon off our old typewriter and tied each other up in it, and that was when they were still in walkers! Brian had at one point, rolled over to a plant by the TV and filled his tray full of dirt, and his mouth too! I was doing something in another room and I heard one of them gagging. I ran to see what it was, and Jack was laughing his butt off. Brian eventually spit most of it out and we tried to rinse his mouth out. Whenever they were really quiet, it paid off to go and see what they were up to. Once, they closed the doors to their bedroom, and took powder bottle and squeezed it till all the powder was in the air around them. I don't know how they didn't suffocate themselves! But we loved them and had lots of fun taking them out shopping and for drives to get them to go to sleep. Because they were born early, and I guess because they were twins, their nervous systems wern't completely developed until they were 3 years old. They didn't sleep through the night for the first 3 years. It was quite often that Jack would wake up before me and take them out driving so I could get some more shut eye before I had to get up and get ready to go to work.
Eventally we moved from our little apartment to a 3 bedroom apartment with a pool and a balcony. One of the bedrooms had double doors, and I guess you could use it for a library or whatever you wanted if not for a bedroom. The place was really big after the little apartment. Sidra kept saying she wanted to go home. She missed the little place and didn't understand we were home. The manager we had at first liked kids and had no trouble with them playing outside. But the apartments changed hands and the new manager refused to let kids play outside. Our kids were all little, and needed a place where they could run and play outside. So, one day Jack had me go to work, and he went house-hunting. That evening he picked me up from work and we went to see the house he had found. The yard was sort of messed up, but I liked the house. It had a large living room with an open beam ceiling, a nice size dining room and kitchen, 3 bedooms, a family room, and a patio and nice backyard. I really liked it, and the person renting it out seemed nice. She liked me, I learned later, and so we made arrangements to move in. The first day was the 1st of May and we decided to leave everything in boxes and took the kids to Disneyland to celebrate. We stayed for the fireworks at midnight, then took the kids and made our departure. When we got to the car, we changed them all on the tailgate into their pajamas. We had brought blankets and pillows, and once they were tucked in we got in the car and began our journey home. The kids were asleep before we got out of the parking lot.
We stopped at Jack-In-the-Box for coffee about half way home and we had to roll down the windows and turn on the radio to keep ourselves awake. When we got home, we carried the kids in the house, tucked them in their beds, and went to bed ourselves. Thus we began our new life, and the kids grew 3 sizes that summer because they could go outside and run and play like normal kids. It gave them all good appetites and they would run in and out all day long eating and getting into the milk and orange juice. They were beautiful, healthy, and happy, and so were we. The backyard was really nice. On sunny days, I'd make iced tea and sit out back and enjoy it.
There were many changes in store for us, and life would bring us many challenges, but we were up for it. In the next chapter, I will talk about those changes and the fun we had being in a house and have a nice yard and good neighbors. So stay tuned, and I'll be back soon with more about the Tyler Gang!
Love You Grandkids,
G-Maw
Friday, October 14, 2011
A Wonderful Surprise
Jack and I enjoyed our honeymoon so much. We didn't travel to some exotic place, nor spend a lot of money. We were lost in each other and we had fun just being together. We visited friends, went for evening walks, he taught me about the stars and we bought each other things. Christmas had just ended and he bought me a beautiful sweater, and I bought him a hat. I still have the sweater, but I think the hat is in storage. None the less, we were in love, and still are. Our love has grown richer over the years as any love that's real does. We thought our life was perfect. But surprises were in store for us. Come with me on this journey and see the surprises life held in store for us, and for many who would come after us.
We went back to work after our 2 week honeymoon, and pretty much everything was the same. The bosses left me alone for the most part because my husband was sitting a couple of desks away. The government didn't like husbands and wives to be in the same office, at least where we were concerned. But since we married long after I started working in that office, the paper work was done long before Jack came along. They didn't try to get one of us to leave, so we were happy about that. We had decided to try to have a baby right away because I would be 30 the next year, and didn't want to take any chances on birth defects, or miscarriages. By March, I knew I was pregnant, and the visit
to the doctor confirmed that. I approached my boss to schedule maternity leave when I would need it. He looked at me and frowned, and asked me if I knew what I was talking about! I told him I had been a woman all my life and knew quite well what I was talking about! Stupid question deserved a curt answer. He scheduled the leave, much to his disgust and as I grew bigger and bigger, he must have felt so dumb.
My friend Linda was pregnant at the same time. She turned to me one day and told me that someday something wonderful was going to happen for me because I was so good to everybody. I told her it already had, and she just looked amazed and said "Yeah, huh". I always teased her and told her I was having twins and she would just laugh and shake her head. I told her it was 2 boys, but really had no way of knowing. Not yet.
As time went by, I developed quite a round girth and my brother would tease me about having twins as well. In July, I was 5 months pregnant. I had been on pre-natal vitamins and water pills, and one night I started having severe back pains. Later that night, Jack had to take me to the emergency room at Doctor's Hospital in Point Loma and after checking me out they determined I had a severe kidney and bladder infection. While I was in the emergency room, Jack was just outside. He had told me about his faith, The Tao, and had told me about being a lens through which to focus the power of the Tao to where it was needed. That night, I discovered what that was like. As I laid there on the table, he focused his love and this amazing power to me and the pains ceased. I told him about it on the way home. He was almost in tears, and said he thought I was going to lose the baby. We went home and I was able to sleep through the night. The next morning, he went out to the pharmacy and had my prescription filled. He brought me back a surprise, like so many times and I stayed home for a couple of days to recouperate.
We made our regular visits to the doctor, and as my time grew near to deliver, I had to go every week. Things were fine for a while; I didn't gain too much weight and my blood pressure was fine. Then, in November when I went in, they weighed me and I had gained 10 lbs in one week! They decided to do an X-Ray, sonograms wern't done in those days, and I waited for the results. When they developed the films, the doctor sort of chuckled and told us there were 2 babies. Jack always said the first thing that popped into his head was "Bankruptcy!". I had wanted to have the baby normally, but the doctor said that both babies were in the breech position. They would do a cesarian to deliver the babies because he said having a breech multiple birth would be too hard on me for my first pregnancy. We left and started talking in the car about a name for the other baby. We had decided on Brian if it was a boy, and Sidra if it was a girl. We decided on Alexis if it was a boy, for the second baby, and went to tell his Grandma and Mom the news. They wern't home, so we went to our house. Jack made dinner, and I walked up to the little market we shopped at and used the phone to call my Mom. She wasn't home, but my brother was. He didn't really seem too surprised when I told him there were 2 babies. He said he'd tell everyone when they came home. I walked back to the house, but I only ate a little. I was too excited to eat. We went to bed and Jack fell asleep right away. I laid there contemplating 2 babies and thinking about all we needed to buy. We hadn't even bought a bed yet, or very many baby clothes. My Mom had bought me a bassinet, but no one threw a baby shower for me and the money had been tight for us. I finally fell asleep at 4:00a.m. At 5:00 a.m, I felt a sharp jolt, like an earthquake! I woke Jack up and told him to turn on the light, I thought I was bleeding. My water had broke, and Jack was happy that the ordeal would soon be over. I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes.
My nightcase was ready with a new gown and robe and slippers, and my makeup. I had been prepared and it was a good thing. The babies hadn't been scheduled to be born in November, but December. So, we grabbed the case, got in the car and stopped at the market to use the phone and call the doctor to tell him the news. Then we went on our way. I had my first pain as we turned onto the freeway.
When we got to the hospital, they put me in a hospital gown and took me for more x-rays. My doctor brought in a specialist who checked me to see if I could have the babies normally instead of cesarian. He said I could, and the next 8 hours were agony. Back in those days, they didn't give you anything for pain. You got your spinal just before giving birth. Jack was with me for most of the time. The gave me a glass of ice chips, but that was all. Jack told me all the other mothers were taking their blankets and going home because they couldn't sleep with me screaming! I tried to smile, but it was no use. The pains got worse and worse. Eight hours later, they came in to check the babies again and one of the babies heart was slowing down. They got my doctor right away and they took me in to deliver the babies. Jack had planned to go in, but they told him he couldn't because he would be in the way if something went wrong.
Not long after the spinal the first baby was delivered with forceps. He was born bottom first and one of the nurses took him and left. The second baby was born feet first and they said he also was a boy. They held him up for me to see and I held my hand up and told the baby not to cry. He grabbed onto my finger and stopped crying. I was so happy to have given Jack not one son, but 2! They took him away to clean him up and do whatever needed to be done. Then they concentrated on me. They had to give me something in the IV because I was going into shock. It made me feel sick, but then I started feeling better. They worked on me for about 45 minutes, then they brought in another gurney for me to be moved back to my room on. They had to turn me over on my stomach and it was hard to keep my head up. Then they took me to my room and I saw my family sitting over against the wall in the waiting room. The nurses took me to my room, and after I was in bed, they left and my folks came in. The nurses were back in a flash with a huge bown of vanilla ice cream with chunks of pineapple and whipped cream on top. My sister tried to feed it to me, but she got dizzy and they had to help her back out to the waiting room. She didn't do well around hospitals. They told me I had to lay flat for 12 hours and not lift my head because it would give me a severe headache. I didn't see my babies until the next day. My husband came in after they left, and stayed with me a while. My Mother-in-Law came later and helped me to drink some water. It was diffcult laying down, but the water was so welcome. I don't remember much more about that day. I slept for the rest of the evening and night.
The next morning, I sat up very gingerly and made my way out of bed and down the hall to take a shower and a sitz bath. My legs were trembling and I had to hold onto the wall, but I made it. They helped me to take a sitz bath first, then I took a shower and washed my hair. I felt so much better. Then after I put on my new gown and robe and slippers, I went back to my room and they brought Brian to me, he was the first baby. I uncovered him and looked at his little feet, then his eyes and those long eye lashes. His eyes were green like my Dad's eyes. He was beautiful and perfect. Then they brought him a bottle and I fed him. When they came to take him back to the nursery, I quickly covered him up like they would scold me for unwrapping him. Motherhood was brand new and I wanted to see both of them. They told me I needed to rest, so when Jack came to see me, we walked down to the nursery and looked at our brand new babies. I made him nervous being out of bed, so we walked slowly back and I sat on the side of the bed.
Jack brought me a beautiful charm bracelet with the horriscope charm for our new boys, and one for each of us. He and my brother had gone to Wards with our credit card and bought a new bed for the babies, and clothes and diapers and things we would need. We had made plans to have a diaper service, and they came before I was released from the hospital. The day came to go home and the bosses wouldn't let Jack come and pick me up. So I called my brother and he and my Mom and Sister came to get me in his new car. They brought a robe for me and 2 blue pajama suits for the boys. The nurses helped me get the babies ready to go home, and after I was in the wheel chair, they put a baby in each arm and pushed me out to the waiting car. My brother took all the back roads home to avoid the traffic. When we got there, my brother took one baby, and my sister took one. Mom helped me into the house. When I saw the beautiful bed and the crib carousel I started crying. Mom hugged me because she knew how long I had wanted a family of my own. I stopped crying and went to the bathroom. When I came out, my brother and sister were holding the babies and both of them were crying. They had never held new-borns before. My Dad came home later that evening from work, and after he showered, he fed one of the babies.
The rest of the evening was spent resting and feeding and holding the boys. When Jack got home, a friend of ours from work had followed him and he came in to see the babies too. He held Brian for a bit, and he got all misty as well. He had 2 sons, but was separated from his wife and family. After a bit, he kissed me on the cheek and said "good work Mom" and left. Jack held Alex for a while and just seemed to be lost in good feelings. He had brought a game from the house for us to play, but I was too tired and just felt like watching TV and taking care of the twins.
The next day, a friend of mine from school came over with her sister to see the babies. She told me I should be in bed resting, but I felt fine after a good night's sleep and had been to the store and had made a cake. I felt fine, but didn't know just how tired my body really was. My Mom said I was showing off for Jack, but she was teasing me. One night after work, he came home with a present for me. A set of silverware in a beautiful case! I was delghted! After 4 days, Jack was ready to go home, so we disassembled the bed, packed up our things, and as everyone but my Dad had left the house so they didn't have to say goodbye to the babies, we left. Dad didn't even say goodbye. I felt like they were getting too possessive over the babies and was glad to be leaving. Originally I was going to stay the whole week to rest up and have their help. But after the first night, whenever the babies would cry at night, they would yell from their bedroom and tell me "my" babies were crying, and I'd have to get up no matter how tired I was, and take care of the babies. I loved my babies beyond measure, so I would get up and do what needed to be done. Jack got up with me, and we had some hot tea and folded baby diapers for the day and fed the babies and everything. I was ready to go home as well.
So, we were on our way home where we could just relax and be with our babies. Jack set up the crib, and we carried the babies in and I took a picture of Jack laying beside of Brian, our firstborn, and was holding his tiny hand. We had lunch and we let his Mom and Grandma know we were home so they could come and see the babies. His Grandma hadn't even seen them yet. I think they came over, but it's been a long 35 years and some of the details are just gone. We just settled in and relaxed with our little family, and all was well with the world. Jack was off for the weekend, so he had a chance to spend time with his new sons. We visited our neighbors Ella and Ted, an ederly couple, and she had made a sweater for our baby. When Jack had been at the house, he told them there were 2 babies, so she hurridly made a second sweater! They were white with yellow trim and they were beautiful. They seemed to enjoy the evening with 2 newborns to fuss over, and then we went home and turned in for the night.
All was going well. I had quit working thinking I had a while before the baby would come, but one week after I quit, the babies were there. So the leave extended for 3 months with the babies rather than 6 weeks. had my hands full, but we did just fine. I'd get Jack off to work, clean up the babies and feed them, and lay down while they were sleeping to rest. One day, I was taking a shower after I had gotten them to sleep, and I left the door slightly open so I could hear them if they needed me.
I finished showering, dressed, did my make-up and was preparing myself a cup of tea, when there was a knock at the front door. I opened
the door and there were 2 police officers standing there. They had a police ambulance waiting in the street. They asked me if I had new twin boys, and I told them yes. I asked why, and they said they had gotten a call that there were newborn twins being left alone for hours at a time and they wanted to see the babies. I told them they could, but not to wake them up because I had just gotten them asleep. They went in the room and the babies were sound asleep and covered up with soft receiving blankets. The house was drafty and I had them dressed warmly, fed them, and tucked them in for some sleep. All their things were neatly folded up and the room was dark and comfortable. The police came out smiling, and just told me to take care. After they left, ran next door to get our neighbor Barbara, and she came over to the house. She had 2 sons as well named Brian and Schuan who often came to visit us. I didn't know it, but the next day a social worker would be at my house to see if I was keeping the house clean for the newborns, and to check on their well-being. I told Barbara what had happened, and Ted and Ella came over as well because they had seen the police ambulance.
I was a wreck. Jack came home soon, and we told him what had happened. I couldn't imagine who would call the police on me and accuse me of abusing my brand new babies. At first I thought it was John or Pat, the neighbors who lived behind us. But I wasn't sure. The next day when the social worker came and started talking about Schizophrenia, I knew it was my parents or my brother. I was furious!
I got all upset, and the social worker said my kitchen was a mess and if the nurse got a look at it they would take my babies to Hillcrest Receiving Home! I couldn't believe it. I asked him to give me a week to get things in order and then come back and he agreed.
My neighbors came and my friend Linda came too, to help me get things in order. We cleaned the whole house, and took care of the babies at the same time. I had called Linda and told her my parent's were trying to take my babies away from me, and she came right away. I was so hurt and so mad and confused. I just couldn't believe what they had done. I didn't think to call Jack's Grandma. His Mom Kay was at work, but his
Grandma was at home. Neverthless, with my friends and neighbors help we got things cleaned up, and the next week the social worker came again. This time he could say nothing. I had worked hard while I was pregnant, had a horrible time giving birth, and here were my parents and siblings trying to steal my newborns away from me. I had gotten past the first hurdle they had put in my new life as a Mom, but there would be many more. For now, I will close, and next time we meet here, I will tell you more about our boys and the life we had together in spite of all the conflict and lies. We were strong, but had no idea how strong we would have to be in the future. Hope you are enjoying reading about our lives together and the trials and tribulations we would face. But "together" is the key in this family. We are together still and stronger than ever before. See you next time,
Love, Grandma
We went back to work after our 2 week honeymoon, and pretty much everything was the same. The bosses left me alone for the most part because my husband was sitting a couple of desks away. The government didn't like husbands and wives to be in the same office, at least where we were concerned. But since we married long after I started working in that office, the paper work was done long before Jack came along. They didn't try to get one of us to leave, so we were happy about that. We had decided to try to have a baby right away because I would be 30 the next year, and didn't want to take any chances on birth defects, or miscarriages. By March, I knew I was pregnant, and the visit
to the doctor confirmed that. I approached my boss to schedule maternity leave when I would need it. He looked at me and frowned, and asked me if I knew what I was talking about! I told him I had been a woman all my life and knew quite well what I was talking about! Stupid question deserved a curt answer. He scheduled the leave, much to his disgust and as I grew bigger and bigger, he must have felt so dumb.
My friend Linda was pregnant at the same time. She turned to me one day and told me that someday something wonderful was going to happen for me because I was so good to everybody. I told her it already had, and she just looked amazed and said "Yeah, huh". I always teased her and told her I was having twins and she would just laugh and shake her head. I told her it was 2 boys, but really had no way of knowing. Not yet.
As time went by, I developed quite a round girth and my brother would tease me about having twins as well. In July, I was 5 months pregnant. I had been on pre-natal vitamins and water pills, and one night I started having severe back pains. Later that night, Jack had to take me to the emergency room at Doctor's Hospital in Point Loma and after checking me out they determined I had a severe kidney and bladder infection. While I was in the emergency room, Jack was just outside. He had told me about his faith, The Tao, and had told me about being a lens through which to focus the power of the Tao to where it was needed. That night, I discovered what that was like. As I laid there on the table, he focused his love and this amazing power to me and the pains ceased. I told him about it on the way home. He was almost in tears, and said he thought I was going to lose the baby. We went home and I was able to sleep through the night. The next morning, he went out to the pharmacy and had my prescription filled. He brought me back a surprise, like so many times and I stayed home for a couple of days to recouperate.
We made our regular visits to the doctor, and as my time grew near to deliver, I had to go every week. Things were fine for a while; I didn't gain too much weight and my blood pressure was fine. Then, in November when I went in, they weighed me and I had gained 10 lbs in one week! They decided to do an X-Ray, sonograms wern't done in those days, and I waited for the results. When they developed the films, the doctor sort of chuckled and told us there were 2 babies. Jack always said the first thing that popped into his head was "Bankruptcy!". I had wanted to have the baby normally, but the doctor said that both babies were in the breech position. They would do a cesarian to deliver the babies because he said having a breech multiple birth would be too hard on me for my first pregnancy. We left and started talking in the car about a name for the other baby. We had decided on Brian if it was a boy, and Sidra if it was a girl. We decided on Alexis if it was a boy, for the second baby, and went to tell his Grandma and Mom the news. They wern't home, so we went to our house. Jack made dinner, and I walked up to the little market we shopped at and used the phone to call my Mom. She wasn't home, but my brother was. He didn't really seem too surprised when I told him there were 2 babies. He said he'd tell everyone when they came home. I walked back to the house, but I only ate a little. I was too excited to eat. We went to bed and Jack fell asleep right away. I laid there contemplating 2 babies and thinking about all we needed to buy. We hadn't even bought a bed yet, or very many baby clothes. My Mom had bought me a bassinet, but no one threw a baby shower for me and the money had been tight for us. I finally fell asleep at 4:00a.m. At 5:00 a.m, I felt a sharp jolt, like an earthquake! I woke Jack up and told him to turn on the light, I thought I was bleeding. My water had broke, and Jack was happy that the ordeal would soon be over. I went to the bathroom and changed my clothes.
My nightcase was ready with a new gown and robe and slippers, and my makeup. I had been prepared and it was a good thing. The babies hadn't been scheduled to be born in November, but December. So, we grabbed the case, got in the car and stopped at the market to use the phone and call the doctor to tell him the news. Then we went on our way. I had my first pain as we turned onto the freeway.
When we got to the hospital, they put me in a hospital gown and took me for more x-rays. My doctor brought in a specialist who checked me to see if I could have the babies normally instead of cesarian. He said I could, and the next 8 hours were agony. Back in those days, they didn't give you anything for pain. You got your spinal just before giving birth. Jack was with me for most of the time. The gave me a glass of ice chips, but that was all. Jack told me all the other mothers were taking their blankets and going home because they couldn't sleep with me screaming! I tried to smile, but it was no use. The pains got worse and worse. Eight hours later, they came in to check the babies again and one of the babies heart was slowing down. They got my doctor right away and they took me in to deliver the babies. Jack had planned to go in, but they told him he couldn't because he would be in the way if something went wrong.
Not long after the spinal the first baby was delivered with forceps. He was born bottom first and one of the nurses took him and left. The second baby was born feet first and they said he also was a boy. They held him up for me to see and I held my hand up and told the baby not to cry. He grabbed onto my finger and stopped crying. I was so happy to have given Jack not one son, but 2! They took him away to clean him up and do whatever needed to be done. Then they concentrated on me. They had to give me something in the IV because I was going into shock. It made me feel sick, but then I started feeling better. They worked on me for about 45 minutes, then they brought in another gurney for me to be moved back to my room on. They had to turn me over on my stomach and it was hard to keep my head up. Then they took me to my room and I saw my family sitting over against the wall in the waiting room. The nurses took me to my room, and after I was in bed, they left and my folks came in. The nurses were back in a flash with a huge bown of vanilla ice cream with chunks of pineapple and whipped cream on top. My sister tried to feed it to me, but she got dizzy and they had to help her back out to the waiting room. She didn't do well around hospitals. They told me I had to lay flat for 12 hours and not lift my head because it would give me a severe headache. I didn't see my babies until the next day. My husband came in after they left, and stayed with me a while. My Mother-in-Law came later and helped me to drink some water. It was diffcult laying down, but the water was so welcome. I don't remember much more about that day. I slept for the rest of the evening and night.
The next morning, I sat up very gingerly and made my way out of bed and down the hall to take a shower and a sitz bath. My legs were trembling and I had to hold onto the wall, but I made it. They helped me to take a sitz bath first, then I took a shower and washed my hair. I felt so much better. Then after I put on my new gown and robe and slippers, I went back to my room and they brought Brian to me, he was the first baby. I uncovered him and looked at his little feet, then his eyes and those long eye lashes. His eyes were green like my Dad's eyes. He was beautiful and perfect. Then they brought him a bottle and I fed him. When they came to take him back to the nursery, I quickly covered him up like they would scold me for unwrapping him. Motherhood was brand new and I wanted to see both of them. They told me I needed to rest, so when Jack came to see me, we walked down to the nursery and looked at our brand new babies. I made him nervous being out of bed, so we walked slowly back and I sat on the side of the bed.
Jack brought me a beautiful charm bracelet with the horriscope charm for our new boys, and one for each of us. He and my brother had gone to Wards with our credit card and bought a new bed for the babies, and clothes and diapers and things we would need. We had made plans to have a diaper service, and they came before I was released from the hospital. The day came to go home and the bosses wouldn't let Jack come and pick me up. So I called my brother and he and my Mom and Sister came to get me in his new car. They brought a robe for me and 2 blue pajama suits for the boys. The nurses helped me get the babies ready to go home, and after I was in the wheel chair, they put a baby in each arm and pushed me out to the waiting car. My brother took all the back roads home to avoid the traffic. When we got there, my brother took one baby, and my sister took one. Mom helped me into the house. When I saw the beautiful bed and the crib carousel I started crying. Mom hugged me because she knew how long I had wanted a family of my own. I stopped crying and went to the bathroom. When I came out, my brother and sister were holding the babies and both of them were crying. They had never held new-borns before. My Dad came home later that evening from work, and after he showered, he fed one of the babies.
The rest of the evening was spent resting and feeding and holding the boys. When Jack got home, a friend of ours from work had followed him and he came in to see the babies too. He held Brian for a bit, and he got all misty as well. He had 2 sons, but was separated from his wife and family. After a bit, he kissed me on the cheek and said "good work Mom" and left. Jack held Alex for a while and just seemed to be lost in good feelings. He had brought a game from the house for us to play, but I was too tired and just felt like watching TV and taking care of the twins.
The next day, a friend of mine from school came over with her sister to see the babies. She told me I should be in bed resting, but I felt fine after a good night's sleep and had been to the store and had made a cake. I felt fine, but didn't know just how tired my body really was. My Mom said I was showing off for Jack, but she was teasing me. One night after work, he came home with a present for me. A set of silverware in a beautiful case! I was delghted! After 4 days, Jack was ready to go home, so we disassembled the bed, packed up our things, and as everyone but my Dad had left the house so they didn't have to say goodbye to the babies, we left. Dad didn't even say goodbye. I felt like they were getting too possessive over the babies and was glad to be leaving. Originally I was going to stay the whole week to rest up and have their help. But after the first night, whenever the babies would cry at night, they would yell from their bedroom and tell me "my" babies were crying, and I'd have to get up no matter how tired I was, and take care of the babies. I loved my babies beyond measure, so I would get up and do what needed to be done. Jack got up with me, and we had some hot tea and folded baby diapers for the day and fed the babies and everything. I was ready to go home as well.
So, we were on our way home where we could just relax and be with our babies. Jack set up the crib, and we carried the babies in and I took a picture of Jack laying beside of Brian, our firstborn, and was holding his tiny hand. We had lunch and we let his Mom and Grandma know we were home so they could come and see the babies. His Grandma hadn't even seen them yet. I think they came over, but it's been a long 35 years and some of the details are just gone. We just settled in and relaxed with our little family, and all was well with the world. Jack was off for the weekend, so he had a chance to spend time with his new sons. We visited our neighbors Ella and Ted, an ederly couple, and she had made a sweater for our baby. When Jack had been at the house, he told them there were 2 babies, so she hurridly made a second sweater! They were white with yellow trim and they were beautiful. They seemed to enjoy the evening with 2 newborns to fuss over, and then we went home and turned in for the night.
All was going well. I had quit working thinking I had a while before the baby would come, but one week after I quit, the babies were there. So the leave extended for 3 months with the babies rather than 6 weeks. had my hands full, but we did just fine. I'd get Jack off to work, clean up the babies and feed them, and lay down while they were sleeping to rest. One day, I was taking a shower after I had gotten them to sleep, and I left the door slightly open so I could hear them if they needed me.
I finished showering, dressed, did my make-up and was preparing myself a cup of tea, when there was a knock at the front door. I opened
the door and there were 2 police officers standing there. They had a police ambulance waiting in the street. They asked me if I had new twin boys, and I told them yes. I asked why, and they said they had gotten a call that there were newborn twins being left alone for hours at a time and they wanted to see the babies. I told them they could, but not to wake them up because I had just gotten them asleep. They went in the room and the babies were sound asleep and covered up with soft receiving blankets. The house was drafty and I had them dressed warmly, fed them, and tucked them in for some sleep. All their things were neatly folded up and the room was dark and comfortable. The police came out smiling, and just told me to take care. After they left, ran next door to get our neighbor Barbara, and she came over to the house. She had 2 sons as well named Brian and Schuan who often came to visit us. I didn't know it, but the next day a social worker would be at my house to see if I was keeping the house clean for the newborns, and to check on their well-being. I told Barbara what had happened, and Ted and Ella came over as well because they had seen the police ambulance.
I was a wreck. Jack came home soon, and we told him what had happened. I couldn't imagine who would call the police on me and accuse me of abusing my brand new babies. At first I thought it was John or Pat, the neighbors who lived behind us. But I wasn't sure. The next day when the social worker came and started talking about Schizophrenia, I knew it was my parents or my brother. I was furious!
I got all upset, and the social worker said my kitchen was a mess and if the nurse got a look at it they would take my babies to Hillcrest Receiving Home! I couldn't believe it. I asked him to give me a week to get things in order and then come back and he agreed.
My neighbors came and my friend Linda came too, to help me get things in order. We cleaned the whole house, and took care of the babies at the same time. I had called Linda and told her my parent's were trying to take my babies away from me, and she came right away. I was so hurt and so mad and confused. I just couldn't believe what they had done. I didn't think to call Jack's Grandma. His Mom Kay was at work, but his
Grandma was at home. Neverthless, with my friends and neighbors help we got things cleaned up, and the next week the social worker came again. This time he could say nothing. I had worked hard while I was pregnant, had a horrible time giving birth, and here were my parents and siblings trying to steal my newborns away from me. I had gotten past the first hurdle they had put in my new life as a Mom, but there would be many more. For now, I will close, and next time we meet here, I will tell you more about our boys and the life we had together in spite of all the conflict and lies. We were strong, but had no idea how strong we would have to be in the future. Hope you are enjoying reading about our lives together and the trials and tribulations we would face. But "together" is the key in this family. We are together still and stronger than ever before. See you next time,
Love, Grandma
Sunday, October 2, 2011
The Wedding and The New House
Before we were married, we had a little apartment on top of a garage in the rear lot of some houses that sat on the main street. After we were engaged, one day we went down to Mission Valley to pick out our wedding rings and get them sized. Jack and I both picked out gold wedding bands with 3 diamonds, and a silver strip above and below the 3 diamonds. We had them sent off to be sized for us, and would pick them up later when they would be returned to the store. Jack also decided we'd need a house for the family we planned to have. So he found out that the people that lived in one of the houses out front were moving and he asked for the name of their landlord and we went to pay him a visit. He rented the house to us, and when the other people moved out, we went to check out the inside. The living room was really long and rather narrow. There were 2 bedrooms with a bathroom between them which you could enter from either side. The bathroom only had a shower, but at the time the price was right and we decided we liked it. The kitchen was small and had a small dining room just off the kitchen that had been added on at a later time. We had a small yard out front and a smaller yard in the back where I could hang clothes to dry.
One evening after we had the keys, we went down to Ceasars in Mission Valley and bought our dinner,. We took it back to the house and celebrated our new surroundings. We hadn't moved furniture in yet and we sat on the floor and ate spaghetti, raveoli, garlic bread and salad. No matter what we did together, we had a great time. The little house also had french doors in the living room on either side of the main door, The windows were rather high, but after we hung the drapes it was just fine. Of course I was in seventh heaven and any house would have been fine with me. As long as I was with Jack, I didn't care about anything else. So, the next day, we began moving our things from the little apartment, down to the house. Jack's Mom, Kay, came over and helped us move. We didn't have a lot of furniture, so the move didn't take very long. Some neighbors that lived by my Mom's house gave us 2 small orange leather couches on black frames so we at least had a couch. We had a lamp that hung from the ceiling which I called our Camelot lamp. We got our drapes from my Grandma Elsie who didn't need them any more and we had some dishes between us that seved their purpose. We had a bed for our room, but nothing for the other bedroom. We used the extra room for boxes full of things from the apartment. Once we were settled in, we began to plan our wedding.
After our rings came in, I couldn't leave the box they came in alone. Every day I would go to the chest and open the box and look at the rings. One afternoon we went shopping to buy a dress for me for the wedding. I had few friends, and my family didn't really lend any support, so Jack paid for my dress. We hit it on the first try. The floor length dress was a soft sky blue with a dark blue velvet jacket that tied in the front and had a rose attached. I tried it on and came out of the dressing room to show Jack. He loved it and so did I! We went home and just enjoyed the rest of the day. We went to see his
Mom and Grandmother. I remember visiting them and Kay brought out some of her earrings that she thought would be nice with the dress. She was excited and anxious to please. I picked out a pair that matched the dress the most and they had little pink roses on a turquoise stone. They were on little gold wires and I loved them. After we visited for a while, we went driving and wound our way home.
Jack and I went to one of the Hobby shops in the area and he picked out decorations for our wedding cake. He made the topper himself, with angels, and pillars and swans. It was absolutely beautiful. My Mom wanted us to get married at her house, and even though Jack wasn't thrilled with that, we decided we would. Mom said she wanted to buy the cake and make the food. The strangest thing happened with the cake. She hadn't seen the topper, but when we saw the cake, it was decorated exactly the same as the wedding topper!
I made an appointment with a pastor at the Methodist Church, where I was Baptized, to make arrangement for him to perform our wedding ceremony. His name was Reverend Ulrickson, a very nice person, and he talked a little with us and said he would be glad to do the ceremony. He went over what we would do as he performed the wedding, and at one point we were supposed to kneel to receive the blessing. We forgot to do that, but he blessed us standing and that's what we would do in our lives together. Stand together and face the world. We had no idea of the trials and tribulations we would face, but we had a strong connection to each other, and we were determined to stand together through it all.
No one gave us a wedding shower, so we had very little in the way of material things we would need to start our lives together. We pretty much were on our own and we were ok with that. Neither one of us had been supported much in our decision to marry and I had no really close friends that would have given us a shower. I really didn't even think about it. It really meant more for us to purchase our own things, and our budget was pretty tight. The Nova took a lot of gas, and we still had bills to pay, so we were resigned to having things tight for a while. As the time ticked away, the wedding day was getting closer to being real. The people at work had tried to dissuade Jack from being involved with me. One of the supervisrs took Jack into the coffee room one day and told him he shouldn't get involved with me. He told him I had a lot of problems, and Jack just told him, "yeah I know. She told me." And I had. I told Jack early on that I was Schizophrenic, but he didn't believe me. He loved me and could see no fault in me. Much to their distaste, we were very happy and had great fun together. Jack wrote a poem for me about a pink rose in a field of sourgrass, and that was about the size of it. There had been one woman working with me before Jack came to work there and she always told me no one would want to marry me because I was too fat. I had bought a tee shirt that had a little hippie on the back that was in a mini-skirt and rather chubby, and beneath the hippie was a caption that said, "Thin might be in, but fat's where its at!" and as she sat right behind me, I wore it as often as possible! We ignored all of them and had a ball together. Linda was happy for me, but the rest of them just turned up their noses at us and shook their heads in disgust. We found that most insecure people were like that around us. What we had was real and it has just gotten stronger with every passing year. We are still happy together and have seen 35 married years together, with 3 children, and now 7 grand-children. I guess true love can outlast anything. Ours sure has.
Finally, the day arrived to get ready for our wedding and make the trip to my Mom's house. The only ones that would be there were family members, and we had asked Jack's sister Helen Marie to be my bridesmaid, and my brother David to be Jacks best man. They both had agreed. I woke up first and went to do my makeup and hair, while Jack made us some coffee, and began getting ready himself. I put my hair up in curls on top of my head and put a strip of baby's breath in front of the curls. I did my makeup, and before we left the house the mail came and in it was one of my Cosmetique selections. In it was a new perfume called Laughter and that's what I wore for fragrance. I already had white lace heels, and I put on the dress and tied the jacket just below the rose. We had gone to the store the night before and I had bought baby roses in pink and white and ribbon to tie them together with. I made a boquet for Helen and myself. When we were ready, we took a drive to Jack's Mom's house and they were going to take me to my Mom's place. Jack took the fiat ahead of me to set up the music and give the rings to David to hold. Jack's Mom, Grandmother and his sisten Helen Marie all went with me and we stopped for gas along the way. Kay stuck her head out the window and told the attendant that I was marrying her son that day. The attendant, a woman, made up a large boquet of 2 different colors of blue carnations, wrapped them in blue paper and gave them to me! I was so surprised. The colors exactly matched my dress and jacket. Then we were on our way.
When we got there, I got out first and the sun was bright, the day was very still and warm and it felt like I was walking in a dream. I went to the door and rang the bell. My Mom answered the door, and the look of surprise on her face was worth gold. She said to me, "I haven't seen you look so pretty since you were in high school! Who bought you that beautiful dress?" I told her Jack did, and shortly thereafter everyone was assembled for the wedding. The Reverend arrived and teased me and Jack and asked us several times if we were sure we wanted to do it. We just laughed and assured him we did and the music began as we took our places in front of the Christmas tree. We had decided on Journey to the Center of the Earth sound track for our wedding music. It was very dramatic and you could sense a greater presence there that day. It was the most beautiful day of my life, but there would be many more surprises for me and Jack. Life was coming to us in waves of joy and happiness and I don't believe there was anyone or anything that could tear us apart. Many have tried, but we are still one.
After we said our vows and became man and wife, Jack paid the Reverend and then we cut the cake.
Reverend Ulrickson got a plate of food and cake and sat down by my grandmother to eat. They were having a great time, and my Dad opened a bottle of champagne and we all had a glass. He made a toast to us and Jack's sister who was not very sophisticated started snickering and champagne came out her nose I think. We were to learn later that my Dad's toast was for show. Before we went back to work I made a trip to take my Grandmothers slip back to her and she told me that as soon as we had left my Dad made the comment that he would "give it a year." I could have gone forever without hearing that. Just one of the many people who would try to destroy what we had. I was hurt and angry when I got back to the house and Jack knew right away that something had happened. I told him about it and he just hugged me. He had told me that from the first time he met my family, he didn't think I was really their child. He thought I had been adopted. This was a first in the things they would do to us. I sometimes think that it was a bad dream. This was my life they were playing games with.
After the toast had been made, we asked Kay to bring the cake to our place for a small reception later that day, and we left to go to the Naval base to get our checks. We went in the office and Herb hugged me and shook Jack's hand. I didn't see Joyce, the woman who said I'd never get married because I was too fat, anywhere. Later on my friend Linda told me that Joyce had told her she had never seen anyone
atually glow before. Linda almost cried when I went over to hug her. After we got our checks, we went Christmas shopping for our families, and then we went home, got out of our wedding clothes, had something to eat and got ready for the reception. A few of our friends came, including my brother, but no family came except Kay and Helen. They brought the cake and I was devastated. Kay told me that David got a fork and ate almost the whole cake. He had no manners whatsoever and I had only the wedding cake top that was for Jack and I and only a few slices. We had ice cream and drinks and chips and sandwiches, but the cake was destroyed. No one from my family even tried to make it a great celebration.
Later in the evening after everyone had left, Jack and I took sandwiches and a thermos of hot tea and took a drive through "Camelot", (what I called San Diego). Everything was decorated for Christmas and the whole town seemed to be celebrating with us. Thus we began our life together as man and wife and the world would unfold for us in spite of the people and events that we would deal with in our lives. We had 2 weeks off for our honeymoon and we went many places, enjoyed our friends, and just loved being together. We bought things to do, models, crafts, canvases and paint and we just celebrated every moment. Life is a beautiful force if you see it with the eyes of understanding. There was much for me to learn about this wonderful person I married. And a lifetime to learn it in. We have shared joy, happiness, and sorrow as well. We are bonded together as one, as it should be. The first year would bring a great change to our lives as man and wife. But I will go into that the next time we meet. Hope you are enjoying the stories I have put here for you. I have had a wonderful life, and I want to share the best and the saddest moments with you, my grandchildren, and my 3 children as well. There is much to know about us, but the most important thing to know is that love is the strongest force in the universe. And your Grandad and Grandma, will always be as one.
See you next time,
Love and Kisses,
Grandma
One evening after we had the keys, we went down to Ceasars in Mission Valley and bought our dinner,. We took it back to the house and celebrated our new surroundings. We hadn't moved furniture in yet and we sat on the floor and ate spaghetti, raveoli, garlic bread and salad. No matter what we did together, we had a great time. The little house also had french doors in the living room on either side of the main door, The windows were rather high, but after we hung the drapes it was just fine. Of course I was in seventh heaven and any house would have been fine with me. As long as I was with Jack, I didn't care about anything else. So, the next day, we began moving our things from the little apartment, down to the house. Jack's Mom, Kay, came over and helped us move. We didn't have a lot of furniture, so the move didn't take very long. Some neighbors that lived by my Mom's house gave us 2 small orange leather couches on black frames so we at least had a couch. We had a lamp that hung from the ceiling which I called our Camelot lamp. We got our drapes from my Grandma Elsie who didn't need them any more and we had some dishes between us that seved their purpose. We had a bed for our room, but nothing for the other bedroom. We used the extra room for boxes full of things from the apartment. Once we were settled in, we began to plan our wedding.
After our rings came in, I couldn't leave the box they came in alone. Every day I would go to the chest and open the box and look at the rings. One afternoon we went shopping to buy a dress for me for the wedding. I had few friends, and my family didn't really lend any support, so Jack paid for my dress. We hit it on the first try. The floor length dress was a soft sky blue with a dark blue velvet jacket that tied in the front and had a rose attached. I tried it on and came out of the dressing room to show Jack. He loved it and so did I! We went home and just enjoyed the rest of the day. We went to see his
Mom and Grandmother. I remember visiting them and Kay brought out some of her earrings that she thought would be nice with the dress. She was excited and anxious to please. I picked out a pair that matched the dress the most and they had little pink roses on a turquoise stone. They were on little gold wires and I loved them. After we visited for a while, we went driving and wound our way home.
Jack and I went to one of the Hobby shops in the area and he picked out decorations for our wedding cake. He made the topper himself, with angels, and pillars and swans. It was absolutely beautiful. My Mom wanted us to get married at her house, and even though Jack wasn't thrilled with that, we decided we would. Mom said she wanted to buy the cake and make the food. The strangest thing happened with the cake. She hadn't seen the topper, but when we saw the cake, it was decorated exactly the same as the wedding topper!
I made an appointment with a pastor at the Methodist Church, where I was Baptized, to make arrangement for him to perform our wedding ceremony. His name was Reverend Ulrickson, a very nice person, and he talked a little with us and said he would be glad to do the ceremony. He went over what we would do as he performed the wedding, and at one point we were supposed to kneel to receive the blessing. We forgot to do that, but he blessed us standing and that's what we would do in our lives together. Stand together and face the world. We had no idea of the trials and tribulations we would face, but we had a strong connection to each other, and we were determined to stand together through it all.
No one gave us a wedding shower, so we had very little in the way of material things we would need to start our lives together. We pretty much were on our own and we were ok with that. Neither one of us had been supported much in our decision to marry and I had no really close friends that would have given us a shower. I really didn't even think about it. It really meant more for us to purchase our own things, and our budget was pretty tight. The Nova took a lot of gas, and we still had bills to pay, so we were resigned to having things tight for a while. As the time ticked away, the wedding day was getting closer to being real. The people at work had tried to dissuade Jack from being involved with me. One of the supervisrs took Jack into the coffee room one day and told him he shouldn't get involved with me. He told him I had a lot of problems, and Jack just told him, "yeah I know. She told me." And I had. I told Jack early on that I was Schizophrenic, but he didn't believe me. He loved me and could see no fault in me. Much to their distaste, we were very happy and had great fun together. Jack wrote a poem for me about a pink rose in a field of sourgrass, and that was about the size of it. There had been one woman working with me before Jack came to work there and she always told me no one would want to marry me because I was too fat. I had bought a tee shirt that had a little hippie on the back that was in a mini-skirt and rather chubby, and beneath the hippie was a caption that said, "Thin might be in, but fat's where its at!" and as she sat right behind me, I wore it as often as possible! We ignored all of them and had a ball together. Linda was happy for me, but the rest of them just turned up their noses at us and shook their heads in disgust. We found that most insecure people were like that around us. What we had was real and it has just gotten stronger with every passing year. We are still happy together and have seen 35 married years together, with 3 children, and now 7 grand-children. I guess true love can outlast anything. Ours sure has.
Finally, the day arrived to get ready for our wedding and make the trip to my Mom's house. The only ones that would be there were family members, and we had asked Jack's sister Helen Marie to be my bridesmaid, and my brother David to be Jacks best man. They both had agreed. I woke up first and went to do my makeup and hair, while Jack made us some coffee, and began getting ready himself. I put my hair up in curls on top of my head and put a strip of baby's breath in front of the curls. I did my makeup, and before we left the house the mail came and in it was one of my Cosmetique selections. In it was a new perfume called Laughter and that's what I wore for fragrance. I already had white lace heels, and I put on the dress and tied the jacket just below the rose. We had gone to the store the night before and I had bought baby roses in pink and white and ribbon to tie them together with. I made a boquet for Helen and myself. When we were ready, we took a drive to Jack's Mom's house and they were going to take me to my Mom's place. Jack took the fiat ahead of me to set up the music and give the rings to David to hold. Jack's Mom, Grandmother and his sisten Helen Marie all went with me and we stopped for gas along the way. Kay stuck her head out the window and told the attendant that I was marrying her son that day. The attendant, a woman, made up a large boquet of 2 different colors of blue carnations, wrapped them in blue paper and gave them to me! I was so surprised. The colors exactly matched my dress and jacket. Then we were on our way.
When we got there, I got out first and the sun was bright, the day was very still and warm and it felt like I was walking in a dream. I went to the door and rang the bell. My Mom answered the door, and the look of surprise on her face was worth gold. She said to me, "I haven't seen you look so pretty since you were in high school! Who bought you that beautiful dress?" I told her Jack did, and shortly thereafter everyone was assembled for the wedding. The Reverend arrived and teased me and Jack and asked us several times if we were sure we wanted to do it. We just laughed and assured him we did and the music began as we took our places in front of the Christmas tree. We had decided on Journey to the Center of the Earth sound track for our wedding music. It was very dramatic and you could sense a greater presence there that day. It was the most beautiful day of my life, but there would be many more surprises for me and Jack. Life was coming to us in waves of joy and happiness and I don't believe there was anyone or anything that could tear us apart. Many have tried, but we are still one.
After we said our vows and became man and wife, Jack paid the Reverend and then we cut the cake.
Reverend Ulrickson got a plate of food and cake and sat down by my grandmother to eat. They were having a great time, and my Dad opened a bottle of champagne and we all had a glass. He made a toast to us and Jack's sister who was not very sophisticated started snickering and champagne came out her nose I think. We were to learn later that my Dad's toast was for show. Before we went back to work I made a trip to take my Grandmothers slip back to her and she told me that as soon as we had left my Dad made the comment that he would "give it a year." I could have gone forever without hearing that. Just one of the many people who would try to destroy what we had. I was hurt and angry when I got back to the house and Jack knew right away that something had happened. I told him about it and he just hugged me. He had told me that from the first time he met my family, he didn't think I was really their child. He thought I had been adopted. This was a first in the things they would do to us. I sometimes think that it was a bad dream. This was my life they were playing games with.
After the toast had been made, we asked Kay to bring the cake to our place for a small reception later that day, and we left to go to the Naval base to get our checks. We went in the office and Herb hugged me and shook Jack's hand. I didn't see Joyce, the woman who said I'd never get married because I was too fat, anywhere. Later on my friend Linda told me that Joyce had told her she had never seen anyone
atually glow before. Linda almost cried when I went over to hug her. After we got our checks, we went Christmas shopping for our families, and then we went home, got out of our wedding clothes, had something to eat and got ready for the reception. A few of our friends came, including my brother, but no family came except Kay and Helen. They brought the cake and I was devastated. Kay told me that David got a fork and ate almost the whole cake. He had no manners whatsoever and I had only the wedding cake top that was for Jack and I and only a few slices. We had ice cream and drinks and chips and sandwiches, but the cake was destroyed. No one from my family even tried to make it a great celebration.
Later in the evening after everyone had left, Jack and I took sandwiches and a thermos of hot tea and took a drive through "Camelot", (what I called San Diego). Everything was decorated for Christmas and the whole town seemed to be celebrating with us. Thus we began our life together as man and wife and the world would unfold for us in spite of the people and events that we would deal with in our lives. We had 2 weeks off for our honeymoon and we went many places, enjoyed our friends, and just loved being together. We bought things to do, models, crafts, canvases and paint and we just celebrated every moment. Life is a beautiful force if you see it with the eyes of understanding. There was much for me to learn about this wonderful person I married. And a lifetime to learn it in. We have shared joy, happiness, and sorrow as well. We are bonded together as one, as it should be. The first year would bring a great change to our lives as man and wife. But I will go into that the next time we meet. Hope you are enjoying the stories I have put here for you. I have had a wonderful life, and I want to share the best and the saddest moments with you, my grandchildren, and my 3 children as well. There is much to know about us, but the most important thing to know is that love is the strongest force in the universe. And your Grandad and Grandma, will always be as one.
See you next time,
Love and Kisses,
Grandma
Friday, September 30, 2011
A Call to Life - And Its Answer
As the years went by, I kept working and making visits to see Doctor Funk. One day I decided I needed a new look. I wore the same old clothes day after day, and and I just got a whim to go shopping after work one day. I went out to my little yellow car, (I called her Nellybell), and we went shopping. I bought some new shoes, a new outfit, a white crocheted cape, new perfume called Heaven Sent, and new makeup. The next time I went to see my Doctor, he was shock-ed! He opened the door from his office and called my name and as I went past him, he just looked me up and down and followed me in. I sat down and he sat down smiling. We had a good discussion, and to tell the truth, I owed him a lot for all he had done for me. It was getting close to Christmas, and I found one of my previous sketches of the praying hands. It was beautiful. I framed it and wrapped it up and put a laurel wreath on top. When I went into his office and sat down, I laid the gift on his desk and told him it was for him to open. He did, and he smiled, but didn't say anything. He just sat there smiling the whole time I was there and when I got up to leave, he stuck out his hand and told me he had to really admire and respect someone who could pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. I told him, "I had a lot of help", shook his hand and went on my way. More and more my visits were just to touch base and see my good friend rather than seeing a doctor. He had changed a lot of my basic concepts of myself and I was beginning to see the light of day and to find challenges refreshing rather than something I felt I just could not do.
Once my Dad came home, he found a good job working at Rohr, where they made aircraft parts. He would bring me coffee in the mornings and I would take him to work, drop him off and go to work myself. At night, I would pick him up and we'd go home. Eventually I decided to take some classes at Southwestern Junior College, and he did too. So 3 time a week, after we went home, cleaned up and ate dinner, we'd get our books and go to school. We would meet at break and have coffee from the vending machine. It was really fun and a time I got to spend time with my Dad as an adult and not a child. I think he enjoyed it too. He had tried to get my Mom to go with him, but she wouldn't. When he came home to stay, she got mad at me and told me that he only came home for me, not for her. I was hurt after all I had had to do to keep our family off the street. I could not believe she said that, and she and I became very distant for a long while. All the while, I was growing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and was learning how to meditate from my doctor. I got into Trancendental Meditation and spent a lot of my time in the evenings just meditating all night instead of
sleeping. I grew more every time. Almost imperceptibly at first, but it helped me to plan for the future, and to know that my journey would take me to great places.
Eventually, I got all my bills paid off, and even though I was paying rent, and buying my own food and clothes, and paying for my own medical care and prescriptions, I still managed to accumulate enough money to move out and into my own place. I had wanted to do that for years, but had been too sick and while I was paying my Mom's bills, I got behind on my own. They were very understanding though, as I had had good credit for a long time with most of my creditors. They reduced my payments, and all sorts of things to make it easier for me to pay my debts. I got them paid, and when I move out, a friend of mine at work had found the apartments for me, and she lived just around the corner.
My first apartment was really nice. It was furnished, and had a really nice living room set, with large windows and drapes, a dining room table with 4 chairs, a really nice kitchen fully stocked with all the appliances you would need. The living room and dining room were carpeted with shag carpet, and so was the large bedroom. The bedroom had a queen-sized bed, a dresser, and 2 bedside tables with lamps. There were lamps in the living room as well. The bathroom was newly tiled, and had a heat lamp in the ceiling. I loved it and I could afford it easily.
I had traded my yellow Nova for a brand new V-8, red Nova with the shift in the floor and had to make my car payment as well as my apartment rent, but I still had money left over and had gotten promoted at work, to a GS-5. I had also sent in a Beneficial Suggestion at work to the Industrial Relations Department at work and had received a $500.00 bonus check because the suggestion I had made saved the Government over $3500.00 a year. When you made a suggestion that was adopted and saved the government money, you got a portion of that money as an award. So I had money and was able to still buy food, go out now and then, buy my clothes, and I would pick up some of my friends on the way to work and we all had a great time together. Linda was my friends name and she had worked with me for years. She had a little girl named Myisha Nicole, and was pregnant with another baby. She had married a man named Melvin, and I had them over for dinner and gave Myisha some beautiful books I had bought for children and put away in my hope chest. I was 28 at the time, and even though I had left home at 18, I had moved back in when my family came back from Minnesota. I had moved out again at 23 to live with a friend in Imperial Beach, but we had a falling out and I moved back home and took care of my family.
Anyway, I seem to get off track with my story. After all those years of being sick and wanting so badly to be normal and have a normal life, it was heaven for me to finally have my own apartment. The first day, after my Dad and broher left, I laid in the floor in the sun with the drapes open and it was so quiet and so warm. I just enjoyed the first day of doing little things around my new home and even though I was alone, I had peace. Something I hadn't had in a long time. I was trying to leave the past behind me, and have a good time in my life. One night, I decided to write and sat down at my dining room table with a notebook and a pen. I wrote a poem, sort of a wish, or an unspoken request to life itself. I will see if I can remember it:
Something as strong as a tall oak tree, this is the goodness
of life to me.
Beautiful sunsets light up the skies, clouds soft as feathers
float swiftly by.
How can I bear to leave this place? To go my way, wherever
it may be?
When I feel so young and alive, how can I go? Off to a place
I do not know?
For the essence of life is bittersweet. One taste invites another.
The memories linger on, long after the sweetness is gone.
Sweet life take me where the skies are always blue,
where sunsets are oranges in the sky,
No sweet life, don't pass me by.
That was my call from my heart to have life come back to me fully. As I had known it years before I was ill and had so much to bear. I wanted to have all the good things in life, and somewhere deep in the recesses of my soul, the dream lingered and took form and grew.
I had only lived in my apartment in National City for a few short months when there was a shooting and someone got knifed in the parking lot, so I moved into a different apartment, but owned by the same company. The only thing different was the color of the furniture, and this apartment was in Chula Vista. No one came to visit me except my Dad one day. He went with me to buy a frame for a picture I had painted. Once in the apartment in National City, my Mom and Dad had come to visit and she wanted to take a bath in my bathtub, so I told her sure. But that was all. My other visitors were friends and co-workers. Jack &
and I had talked at work and were getting to know each other. One day he asked me out, but I was sick the next day and we didn't go. After I moved to Chula Vista, one Friday night I called him and asked if I could visit and he said sure and gave me directions to get to his place. This was the beginning of the answer to my call to life. The beginning of the answer in all it's fullness. It all unfolded gradually and our first date was in a white pick-up truck and he drove all over San Diego showing me the sights. I had no idea San Diego was so big, and he had me laughing the whole evening. He said he didn't think I knew how to laugh. He did some characters from Star Treck and when he did the drunk doctor and captain routine, I was cracking up laughing. We had a wonderful time and didn't get back to his apartment until 6:00 in the morning. We had some instant breakfast, and since it was Mother's Day I told him I wanted to go see my Mom. He was going to be moving his Mom and Grandmother that day and had asked if I wanted to go. After the reception I got at my Mom's house, I wished I had gone with him. But, we saw each other on Monday, and it wasn't that much later when we made plans to go out to Borrego.
We started going places after work and hanging out together. We went shopping for all the gear we would need for the desert and I was having the time of my life. We would go back to his place and have dinner and listen to music, and I almost never went back to my apartment. It stood empty most of the time and was a drain on our finances, and it wasn't long until he asked me to move in with him and we had money to play with. We bought candles for each other, and music and jewelry and hats and all sorts of things we liked and we fixed up the little place we were living in. I remember one night we had chili and tamales and we had a Vernor's soda. I had never had it and didn't know that the trick to not getting choked on it was to not inhale as you took a drink! I laughed when I caught my breath and we just so enjoyed each other's company. So, we had met in March at work, and started talking a lot, went out in April and May and in June I moved in with him. On July 16, in the parking lot at work, we were sitting in my car and he asked me to marry him and said he would give me a baby. Something I had always wanted, a family of my own. At first I said it was too late for me. I was going to turn 29 on my birthday and for some reason I thought I was too old to have kids and a family. I guess I had pretty much not counted on having that after the break up I had with my boyfriend. I hadn't dated much, and hadn't thought much about having anything. I was busy taking medications and trying to sort out my life to even think about having my dreams come true. He said that just because there wern't any good role models in our lives, didn't mean our marriage would be the same way. I finally saw the light and said yes and I was floating on air when we went back into the office after our break. I went into the ladies room and Linda was in there. I cried and told her what had happened. She had always been my friend, even when I was so sick and she always tried to look out for me. She was happy for me and went and told one of her other friends. Jack had our engagement posted in the paper and went down early one morning to the little corner store and brought back several papers. We went to his Mom's place and had a celebration party with his Mom and Grandmother. It was a lot of fun. My parents wern't as receptive to our announcement as his folks were. But they always looked down on me because I had moved in with Jack. They didn't even believe me when after we were married, and I got pregnant with the twins. They told me they would just wait and hear what the doctor had to say. It was pretty much hopeless, but you keep trying to believe your family still loved you...even when they made it plain they had no use for either of us.
The time we spent together was like a brand new life. He introduced me to his long time friend Chip Hannaka, and his girlfriends name was Bonnie too! We went to their house to visit one evening and Chip introduced me to Cherry Herring. It was something he always gave his guests and it was really good. I even use it now in one of my receipes for chocolate truffles. They're great. Over the next few month we were friends with them and had them over for dinner and things like that. He also took me to Point Loma and introduced me to people he had grown up around. I met Jo and Art Latham, and Mrs. Evans who had a Keshon named Wooly Bear who scared me half to death. He was tall and walked up to me while I was sitting on the couch and he could look me right in the eye. He was a sweet dog though and went back and laid down by Mrs. Evans and licked her feet. We had a wonderful time just going out riding in the evenings and I eventually co-signed for a Fiat Jack liked, and we would put the top down and go riding in the evenings with the cool breezes off the ocean wrapping around us as we skated along the freeways and back roads all over San Diego county. My dream was coming true in ways I could never have imagined. We were so in love and so happy just to be together. He introduced me to a whole new way of living and just being with him was all I could have ever asked for. I took him to dinner at Love's Barbecue Pit for his 27th Birthday and we had New York Steaks, baked potatoes, cole slaw and baked beans and bread. I remember even what I was wearing and him looking so fantastic in his new leisure suit and blue shirt. He held the chair for me and I though to myself, what a gentleman. He also never left me with an empty gas tank when I had to drive back to my place. I had never met a guy who had his demeanor and manners and charm. I was head over heels in no time and I could never have found someone like him on my own. God planted me in the right place at the right time and brought him into my life just when I needed a friend the most. You might think it is a fairy tale come true. I do too.
I will close for now though and will be back sooner this time and tell you some more of the great life we have had together. There were hard times too, just like for everyone, but you will see a love grow stronger and survive many difficult situations. I have wanted to be able to remember all our lives together for a long time and it is a gift in itself that in telling my story, I also am remembering all the wonderful things we have done together and it just makes life full and rich and wonderful to remember. Life does answer our calls. We just have to believe it, and it will manifest our beliefs to us if we are willing to make that call, and be ready to receive the gift of life in all it's wonder. Life is a beautiful gift. I am so fortunate and so blessed and it is my pleasure to share my life with such wonderful people. Read, enjoy and leave comments for me whenever you desire.
See you next time, love you, Grandma.
Once my Dad came home, he found a good job working at Rohr, where they made aircraft parts. He would bring me coffee in the mornings and I would take him to work, drop him off and go to work myself. At night, I would pick him up and we'd go home. Eventually I decided to take some classes at Southwestern Junior College, and he did too. So 3 time a week, after we went home, cleaned up and ate dinner, we'd get our books and go to school. We would meet at break and have coffee from the vending machine. It was really fun and a time I got to spend time with my Dad as an adult and not a child. I think he enjoyed it too. He had tried to get my Mom to go with him, but she wouldn't. When he came home to stay, she got mad at me and told me that he only came home for me, not for her. I was hurt after all I had had to do to keep our family off the street. I could not believe she said that, and she and I became very distant for a long while. All the while, I was growing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and was learning how to meditate from my doctor. I got into Trancendental Meditation and spent a lot of my time in the evenings just meditating all night instead of
sleeping. I grew more every time. Almost imperceptibly at first, but it helped me to plan for the future, and to know that my journey would take me to great places.
Eventually, I got all my bills paid off, and even though I was paying rent, and buying my own food and clothes, and paying for my own medical care and prescriptions, I still managed to accumulate enough money to move out and into my own place. I had wanted to do that for years, but had been too sick and while I was paying my Mom's bills, I got behind on my own. They were very understanding though, as I had had good credit for a long time with most of my creditors. They reduced my payments, and all sorts of things to make it easier for me to pay my debts. I got them paid, and when I move out, a friend of mine at work had found the apartments for me, and she lived just around the corner.
My first apartment was really nice. It was furnished, and had a really nice living room set, with large windows and drapes, a dining room table with 4 chairs, a really nice kitchen fully stocked with all the appliances you would need. The living room and dining room were carpeted with shag carpet, and so was the large bedroom. The bedroom had a queen-sized bed, a dresser, and 2 bedside tables with lamps. There were lamps in the living room as well. The bathroom was newly tiled, and had a heat lamp in the ceiling. I loved it and I could afford it easily.
I had traded my yellow Nova for a brand new V-8, red Nova with the shift in the floor and had to make my car payment as well as my apartment rent, but I still had money left over and had gotten promoted at work, to a GS-5. I had also sent in a Beneficial Suggestion at work to the Industrial Relations Department at work and had received a $500.00 bonus check because the suggestion I had made saved the Government over $3500.00 a year. When you made a suggestion that was adopted and saved the government money, you got a portion of that money as an award. So I had money and was able to still buy food, go out now and then, buy my clothes, and I would pick up some of my friends on the way to work and we all had a great time together. Linda was my friends name and she had worked with me for years. She had a little girl named Myisha Nicole, and was pregnant with another baby. She had married a man named Melvin, and I had them over for dinner and gave Myisha some beautiful books I had bought for children and put away in my hope chest. I was 28 at the time, and even though I had left home at 18, I had moved back in when my family came back from Minnesota. I had moved out again at 23 to live with a friend in Imperial Beach, but we had a falling out and I moved back home and took care of my family.
Anyway, I seem to get off track with my story. After all those years of being sick and wanting so badly to be normal and have a normal life, it was heaven for me to finally have my own apartment. The first day, after my Dad and broher left, I laid in the floor in the sun with the drapes open and it was so quiet and so warm. I just enjoyed the first day of doing little things around my new home and even though I was alone, I had peace. Something I hadn't had in a long time. I was trying to leave the past behind me, and have a good time in my life. One night, I decided to write and sat down at my dining room table with a notebook and a pen. I wrote a poem, sort of a wish, or an unspoken request to life itself. I will see if I can remember it:
Something as strong as a tall oak tree, this is the goodness
of life to me.
Beautiful sunsets light up the skies, clouds soft as feathers
float swiftly by.
How can I bear to leave this place? To go my way, wherever
it may be?
When I feel so young and alive, how can I go? Off to a place
I do not know?
For the essence of life is bittersweet. One taste invites another.
The memories linger on, long after the sweetness is gone.
Sweet life take me where the skies are always blue,
where sunsets are oranges in the sky,
No sweet life, don't pass me by.
That was my call from my heart to have life come back to me fully. As I had known it years before I was ill and had so much to bear. I wanted to have all the good things in life, and somewhere deep in the recesses of my soul, the dream lingered and took form and grew.
I had only lived in my apartment in National City for a few short months when there was a shooting and someone got knifed in the parking lot, so I moved into a different apartment, but owned by the same company. The only thing different was the color of the furniture, and this apartment was in Chula Vista. No one came to visit me except my Dad one day. He went with me to buy a frame for a picture I had painted. Once in the apartment in National City, my Mom and Dad had come to visit and she wanted to take a bath in my bathtub, so I told her sure. But that was all. My other visitors were friends and co-workers. Jack &
and I had talked at work and were getting to know each other. One day he asked me out, but I was sick the next day and we didn't go. After I moved to Chula Vista, one Friday night I called him and asked if I could visit and he said sure and gave me directions to get to his place. This was the beginning of the answer to my call to life. The beginning of the answer in all it's fullness. It all unfolded gradually and our first date was in a white pick-up truck and he drove all over San Diego showing me the sights. I had no idea San Diego was so big, and he had me laughing the whole evening. He said he didn't think I knew how to laugh. He did some characters from Star Treck and when he did the drunk doctor and captain routine, I was cracking up laughing. We had a wonderful time and didn't get back to his apartment until 6:00 in the morning. We had some instant breakfast, and since it was Mother's Day I told him I wanted to go see my Mom. He was going to be moving his Mom and Grandmother that day and had asked if I wanted to go. After the reception I got at my Mom's house, I wished I had gone with him. But, we saw each other on Monday, and it wasn't that much later when we made plans to go out to Borrego.
We started going places after work and hanging out together. We went shopping for all the gear we would need for the desert and I was having the time of my life. We would go back to his place and have dinner and listen to music, and I almost never went back to my apartment. It stood empty most of the time and was a drain on our finances, and it wasn't long until he asked me to move in with him and we had money to play with. We bought candles for each other, and music and jewelry and hats and all sorts of things we liked and we fixed up the little place we were living in. I remember one night we had chili and tamales and we had a Vernor's soda. I had never had it and didn't know that the trick to not getting choked on it was to not inhale as you took a drink! I laughed when I caught my breath and we just so enjoyed each other's company. So, we had met in March at work, and started talking a lot, went out in April and May and in June I moved in with him. On July 16, in the parking lot at work, we were sitting in my car and he asked me to marry him and said he would give me a baby. Something I had always wanted, a family of my own. At first I said it was too late for me. I was going to turn 29 on my birthday and for some reason I thought I was too old to have kids and a family. I guess I had pretty much not counted on having that after the break up I had with my boyfriend. I hadn't dated much, and hadn't thought much about having anything. I was busy taking medications and trying to sort out my life to even think about having my dreams come true. He said that just because there wern't any good role models in our lives, didn't mean our marriage would be the same way. I finally saw the light and said yes and I was floating on air when we went back into the office after our break. I went into the ladies room and Linda was in there. I cried and told her what had happened. She had always been my friend, even when I was so sick and she always tried to look out for me. She was happy for me and went and told one of her other friends. Jack had our engagement posted in the paper and went down early one morning to the little corner store and brought back several papers. We went to his Mom's place and had a celebration party with his Mom and Grandmother. It was a lot of fun. My parents wern't as receptive to our announcement as his folks were. But they always looked down on me because I had moved in with Jack. They didn't even believe me when after we were married, and I got pregnant with the twins. They told me they would just wait and hear what the doctor had to say. It was pretty much hopeless, but you keep trying to believe your family still loved you...even when they made it plain they had no use for either of us.
The time we spent together was like a brand new life. He introduced me to his long time friend Chip Hannaka, and his girlfriends name was Bonnie too! We went to their house to visit one evening and Chip introduced me to Cherry Herring. It was something he always gave his guests and it was really good. I even use it now in one of my receipes for chocolate truffles. They're great. Over the next few month we were friends with them and had them over for dinner and things like that. He also took me to Point Loma and introduced me to people he had grown up around. I met Jo and Art Latham, and Mrs. Evans who had a Keshon named Wooly Bear who scared me half to death. He was tall and walked up to me while I was sitting on the couch and he could look me right in the eye. He was a sweet dog though and went back and laid down by Mrs. Evans and licked her feet. We had a wonderful time just going out riding in the evenings and I eventually co-signed for a Fiat Jack liked, and we would put the top down and go riding in the evenings with the cool breezes off the ocean wrapping around us as we skated along the freeways and back roads all over San Diego county. My dream was coming true in ways I could never have imagined. We were so in love and so happy just to be together. He introduced me to a whole new way of living and just being with him was all I could have ever asked for. I took him to dinner at Love's Barbecue Pit for his 27th Birthday and we had New York Steaks, baked potatoes, cole slaw and baked beans and bread. I remember even what I was wearing and him looking so fantastic in his new leisure suit and blue shirt. He held the chair for me and I though to myself, what a gentleman. He also never left me with an empty gas tank when I had to drive back to my place. I had never met a guy who had his demeanor and manners and charm. I was head over heels in no time and I could never have found someone like him on my own. God planted me in the right place at the right time and brought him into my life just when I needed a friend the most. You might think it is a fairy tale come true. I do too.
I will close for now though and will be back sooner this time and tell you some more of the great life we have had together. There were hard times too, just like for everyone, but you will see a love grow stronger and survive many difficult situations. I have wanted to be able to remember all our lives together for a long time and it is a gift in itself that in telling my story, I also am remembering all the wonderful things we have done together and it just makes life full and rich and wonderful to remember. Life does answer our calls. We just have to believe it, and it will manifest our beliefs to us if we are willing to make that call, and be ready to receive the gift of life in all it's wonder. Life is a beautiful gift. I am so fortunate and so blessed and it is my pleasure to share my life with such wonderful people. Read, enjoy and leave comments for me whenever you desire.
See you next time, love you, Grandma.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Starting Life Anew
As my depression lifted, I started taking on chores around the house. My Mom got a parttime job at a motel, cleaning rooms. I wasn't well enough to work outside the home, but I managed to keep the house tidy, the clothes washed, and making meals. As time went on, I told my Mom that I thought I'd feel better if I was working outside the house, so she talked to her boss and her boss hired me to do the same thing Mom was doing. I had 16 rooms to clean every day, and even though it was really hard physical work, it wasn't something you had to think about in depth. I had to change beds, clean bathrooms, defrost refrigerators, clean stoves, dust, vaccum and put out new towels, cups, and coffee. At the end of the day, we all took our carts back to the laundry room and washed all the glasses and put them in clean paper wrappers. All the dirty linen had to be bagged up and made ready for the laundry people to pick up. Then we had to load up our carts for the next day, and we could go home after we turned in the keys. Sometimes Mom and I would go to the bread outlet not far from the motel, and we'd buy bread, rolls, and occasionally a pie to eat on the way home.
It was hard, backbreaking work, but I was young and I felt better getting out and meeting people. It was nice to be back in reality.
I worked there for a while, and then I got tired of it and started looking for baby-sitting jobs. I started looking at the want ads in the paper and found a job not far away taking care of 2 little girls and an 8 hear old boy named Jack. The girls names were Dawn, 4 years old, and Penny, 2 years old. I went to see them and they had a nice home, a double wide trailer like ours, and they had a play room built on where all the kids toys were and where they could play safely without me having to keep an eagle eye on them, but I watched them anyway. Dawn had problems not being the baby anymore. She was withdrawn and too quiet for a 4 year old, but she was very sweet and loving. Penny was sweet and cuddly with blonde curls. Jack was a handful. He tried my patience one day by kicking his bedroom door from the inside of his bedroom, and I got a ruler out and spanked him for it. That evening he told his Mom, "If something happens to you and daddy, Mom, Bonnie can take care of us!". When his Mom told me the next day, I asked if that was my walking papers? She just laughed and said no, but I don't imagine it made her feel very good. I did a few dishes every morning and wiped off the table and vaccumed the dining room and living room. I spent most of my time with the kids, taking them to the playground, and fixing their food. They were good kids and I got paid fairly well for a job where I didn't have to work so hard. Mom quit her job too and just stayed home taking care of her own things.
Later on, the people I worked for decided to move up the coast and wanted me to go with them since the kids loved me so much. They said I could have free room and board and they'd pay me and I'd have evenings and weekends off. I didn't want to go though so I left them and found myself another job taking care of 2 little Arab boys and their grandmother. The littlest boy was only 2 and his name was Omar. His older brother was 7 or 8 and his name was Mohammed Dean. The Grandma was in her late 60's and she reminded me a lot of my Grandma Annie. Her hair was white, and she had blue eyes and was very sweet and friendly. She laid on the couch a lot and we got along just fine. Omar was so beautiful. He had dark skin, black hair and brown eyes and was a really sweet and lovable little boy. Their Dad was Arab and their Mom was white. The Mom was pregnant and worked at a bank. I don't know what their Dad did but I saw very little of him.
Sometimes I'd take Omar walking down to the shopping center. We would have lunch at the T.G.&Y. store and I'd buy him blue jeans and tennis shoes and cute hats and things. We had so much fun together. Dean would come home from school around 2:30 and I'd fix food for all of us. Everynight I had to sneak off from Omar because he would start crying and wanting to go with me.
But that job, even though I loved Omar, wasn't leading anywhere. I applied for a government test as a clerk/steno which means a typist who can take shorthand,
and after the test I was scheduled for an interview. So I quit babysitting, and in January of 1968 I started working at Naval Air Station North Island where your Grandpa works now. I was thrilled to have my own desk, typewriter and access to a coffee machine! Ha Ha. I typed naval messages and speedletters and mailed out status cards and all kinds of things that would just bore you, so I'll spare you all the details. Later on, I was in a car wreck and had a really bad whip lash. The night of the wreck, my neck got so stiff I had to take my hands and put them behind my head and pull myself up to a sitting position. The girl that hit us wasn't hurt, but she had been putting on her makeup and wasn't even looking to see what was right in front of her. We were stopped at a red light and she hit us at about 40 miles an hour. The impact threw us out into the intersection and we almost got hit again. They didn't give her a ticket or anything, so I got a lawyer and sued them. The bad part was that the clinic they sent me to for therapy for my whiplash was the same clinic the girls mom worked at and they didn't treat me very well. I had to wear a neck-brace for quite a while and had to take soma compound to relax the muscles in my neck and shoulders.
I went back to work after a couple of days even though I didn't feel very well. I got $3,500.00 for the suit that I won. The car we got hit in was my brothers car, even though I had co-signed for it. So I split the money with him, so he could get his car fixed. I took the rest and put it in the bank. Later on, after he had spent all his money on drugs or whatever he was into, I still had mine. He wanted mine too! I told him no, even though my mom was pressuring me to give him even more money! I took my money and put it down on a brand new car of my own. Then I didn't have to get up a 4:30 to take the bus to work every day. It was a Chevy Nova, light yellow, and was a great little car. I loved it! I would spend my Saturdays washing and waxing my new car out in the driveway and drinking cold Pepsi's. It was great. I had my own money, my own car, my independence and the freedom to go wherever, whenever and I was becoming an adult finally.
My Dad left the picture, and left Mom with no job, no money and all the bills to pay. One night I heard her crying, and I got up out of bed and went to comfort her. She looked so pitiful sitting all alone at the table with a pile of bills in front of her. Back in those days, if you owed people money and didn't pay them, they could come to your house and demand you pay them, and we even had them trying to pound the door down. One day at work, I felt so bad I told my boss I had to leave. I went home, and laid down after telling my Mom that they gave us some time off because they were painting the building and putting down new carpet. That wasn't true, but I was getting sick. Sicker than I'd ever been.
Finally, after 3 days, my boss called my Mom and told her that what I had told her wasn't true. He told her I'd been acting strange and that she should take me to a doctor. So they tried to fool me, and told me that they were taking me shopping. They took me to my Grandma's doctor, and after a few minutes with me, he gave them the name of a good psychiatrist. They took me there, and I had a conversation with a Doctor Funk. He called my Mom in after he talked to me, and he had me wait in the waiting room. Then he called me back in and told me I was mentally ill. All I did was look down at the floor. He gave me medicine to take and said he wanted to see me again on Monday. So we got the medicine perscription filled and went home. I took one of the pills, and went outside to sit in the yard. After about 30 minutes, the medicine took effect and I almost fell out of my chair. My brother David came and grabbed me to keep me from falling and he carried me in the house and I fell asleep in my bedroom. I hadn't been able to sleep for 2 weeks. So the next morning I was doing much better. The circles under my eyes were less, and I was able to sit down long enough to eat breakfast. I had been running around all day and night driving places and not sleeping or eating.
I don't know how I survived. He told me also that he wanted me to stay home from work for an undetermined time, until I felt better. My boss came by with my first check, and to get a statement from my doctor telling him what my problem was. I found the paper, and it said I had Schizophrenia. It's a word I learned to be afraid of. I was afraid of myself already anyway, but when I read that I was really afraid of me! As I got better after about a month, I drove to the Library and started reading all kinds of books about it, and finding out there were different types. I was trying to figure it out and get rid of that fear that I had. I don't want you to be afraid of me. More than anything I need your love and understanding. I am not simple minded. I have limitations that make me different from you, but you don't have to be afraid of Grandma or think I might ever hurt you in any way. I don't want to keep things hidden from you because this also ties in to my relationship with Jesus and God the Father, and how they have helped me over the years. He has always been there supporting me, even when my Mom died. Your grandpa has always loved me, and supported me and even when I am sick, he takes care of me. He never left me even though it was difficult to stay. Hopefully you will never see me that way. I never want you to see this disease. That's why Grandma takes medication. It has been very hard to get well. Once, I stopped my medicine because I thought I didn't need it anymore. Then I got really ill and had to go in the hospital. But I was only there 8 days and then I signed myself out and walked home.
This has been a very hard cross to bear. I want you to hear this from me and to know that I take every precaution I can to never let this happen again. I always take my meds, and if I reduce them for some reason, I always tell someone. I am careful with my meds. I take them every day and I am responsible for my mental health and well being by praying, meditating, reading, and sticking to my beliefs. I share a wonderful experience with your Grandpa. Something he has shown me through the years. Someday you may want to read his books too, and make your own judgement. That's a long way off though. So for now, I will just tell you even though my beliefs and grandpa's beliefs are different, we respect each other's belief's and we are both very strong people. We each have so much love for one another and our family and all of you grandchildren. With every day we live, we love you even more.
I was out of work for about 6 months and even when my doctor asked me if I was ready to go back to work, I said no. But he said he didn't want me to give up and not try to function in society. I went back, but I couldn't think straight. I would sit at my desk and cry but they didn't bother me. I think they were afraid to say anything. They gave me easy things to do and were fairly tolerant of my behavior. I had to see my Doctor every 2 weeks at first. He was a good Doctor and even when I needed to be hospitalized, he paid for all my expenses because I didn't have any health insurance. He told me once that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that made me mad. It made me so mad that I told myself
I'll show him! I decided I'd show him who was feeling sorry for themselves and I just got better and better. There are many was to help people with this disease and one of them is called psychotherapy. Another way is by hypnosis which he did for me and I took all the advice he gave me. I bought a book called "I'm OK
You're OK" and it helped me to find all my weak spots in my psyche, or way of thinking if that makes more sense to you. I did better and better.
Then, one day my Mom decided she'd go see my Dad in Seattle and she took my younger sister with her. My brother David didn't want to stay with me at home, so he went to stay at his girlfriends house. Her name was Barbara and she had a little girl named Larie that I adored. The little girl had long blonde hair and was about 4 years old. Anyway, I was at the house alone and I had borrowed $500.00 to pay off my car loan. One day at work, I thought to myself "I have to keep on working anyway an paying for all my bills, so I may as well enjoy this money!". So, one Friday night I went shopping and bought over $300.00 on clothes and another $40.00 on jewelry. Back then your money bought more and the products were better. I went to the Broadway Department Store and I bought all sorts of things I liked. Then I took myself out to dinner and had a great time even though I was alone! Then, while my Mom was gone and I had spent all my money, I decided I'd go find David and for some reason I had my grandmother with me. I drove to National City to find David, and went to Barbara's house. Her Dad answered the door and said that David and Barbara had gone to a party somewhere and he didn't know where it was. I decided to wait for David and sent my Grandma home in a cab.
I sort of got out of reality that night, and my brother eventually showed up and he and his friends took me to University Hospital. They put me in a room with a lot of other people with problems and left me there until I settled down. They watched me through a window in the door and eventually they took me back out of the room, gave my brother medication for me, and sent me on my way. My car was in the parking lot at the Broadway and I had left my keys in the ignition and the windows were down. I don't know how it didn't get stolen except that God was watching out for me. We went home and I took the medication and went to sleep. The next day David and I went to my Grandma's house and I went in her bedroom and laid down because the medication made me sleepy. I didn't know it but David had called Mom and Dad and told my Dad he neeed to come home because I had lost touch with reality and needed him.
The next thing I remember is waking up and seeing my Dad by my bedside and he hugged me. He had always been sort of afraid of me because I had such a bad temper, but I was no longer the same person. I was pitiful. I had lost so much in my life and it had made me very ill. All the moving and all the changes and having to start over every year or so was more than I could take and the fact that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain was no one's fault. At the time I blamed everyone else for my problems, because I was so mixed up. But now I know it wasn't anyone's fault. Not even mine. It's just a fact of life. There are a lot of people who have this disease. Currently there is no cure, but they have new medicines that keep the disease under control. I take 2 different types of medicine. One kind I have taken for over 20 years. The other one is fairly new and it helps me to sleep and to adjust to changes that happen in my life, just like everyone else. My medicines have been a part of my life since I was 22. I had been sick before that, extremely depressed, but no one took notice. That was when we lived in Minnesota and I was separated from my friends, my boyfriend, and my school and California in general. I had a very difficult time when I flew back to San Diego. Nothing was the same and I gradually couldn't remember being here before. Not even my Mom's house seemed familiar. It was one of the hardest things to happen in my life. My battle had just begun. But today I am doing fine, although now and then I have the urge to stop taking my meds because I think I am well. As I said, there is no known cure. The only way to win with this disease is to keep taking the medicine, and work really hard to solve your mental issues. That's what I do. I read a lot, pray, meditate, and deal with life on a daily basis just like everyone else. There are a lot worse things that could be in my life. I could be blind, homeless, have no family, be crippled or have cancer or multiple sclerosis or polio...the list goes on and on. I am a survivor and I have overcome my greatest enemy, myself.
I am determined to live long enough to see all of you grow up. No one knows when they will die, but I am trying to get healthy physically by losing weight and exercising. I can have an almost normal life by taking my meds and working diligently on my problems. I will live as long as God allows. This is the reason I talk so much about God to you. I have been at the bottom of a deep well and the only thing that helped me get out was God. He brought the right people, the right meds and gave me the stamina and determination I have to get well and enjoy my life. God is my best friend and He brought Grandpa and all of you into my life to love and nurture. He does the impossible. He does miracles, like me, and like Kris. Kris is a survivor too! He's a tough little character! He is so little, but he runs and falls and gets back up and brushes himself off. Watch him. He can be a great lesson for you. Start looking at life with understanding and gain wisdom and knowledge and insight. You are young and have so much to learn. Start learning today, and if you have any questions for me, I will try to answer them openly and honestly. Don't be afraid to ask questions. That's how you learn about the world and it's people.
It was hard, backbreaking work, but I was young and I felt better getting out and meeting people. It was nice to be back in reality.
I worked there for a while, and then I got tired of it and started looking for baby-sitting jobs. I started looking at the want ads in the paper and found a job not far away taking care of 2 little girls and an 8 hear old boy named Jack. The girls names were Dawn, 4 years old, and Penny, 2 years old. I went to see them and they had a nice home, a double wide trailer like ours, and they had a play room built on where all the kids toys were and where they could play safely without me having to keep an eagle eye on them, but I watched them anyway. Dawn had problems not being the baby anymore. She was withdrawn and too quiet for a 4 year old, but she was very sweet and loving. Penny was sweet and cuddly with blonde curls. Jack was a handful. He tried my patience one day by kicking his bedroom door from the inside of his bedroom, and I got a ruler out and spanked him for it. That evening he told his Mom, "If something happens to you and daddy, Mom, Bonnie can take care of us!". When his Mom told me the next day, I asked if that was my walking papers? She just laughed and said no, but I don't imagine it made her feel very good. I did a few dishes every morning and wiped off the table and vaccumed the dining room and living room. I spent most of my time with the kids, taking them to the playground, and fixing their food. They were good kids and I got paid fairly well for a job where I didn't have to work so hard. Mom quit her job too and just stayed home taking care of her own things.
Later on, the people I worked for decided to move up the coast and wanted me to go with them since the kids loved me so much. They said I could have free room and board and they'd pay me and I'd have evenings and weekends off. I didn't want to go though so I left them and found myself another job taking care of 2 little Arab boys and their grandmother. The littlest boy was only 2 and his name was Omar. His older brother was 7 or 8 and his name was Mohammed Dean. The Grandma was in her late 60's and she reminded me a lot of my Grandma Annie. Her hair was white, and she had blue eyes and was very sweet and friendly. She laid on the couch a lot and we got along just fine. Omar was so beautiful. He had dark skin, black hair and brown eyes and was a really sweet and lovable little boy. Their Dad was Arab and their Mom was white. The Mom was pregnant and worked at a bank. I don't know what their Dad did but I saw very little of him.
Sometimes I'd take Omar walking down to the shopping center. We would have lunch at the T.G.&Y. store and I'd buy him blue jeans and tennis shoes and cute hats and things. We had so much fun together. Dean would come home from school around 2:30 and I'd fix food for all of us. Everynight I had to sneak off from Omar because he would start crying and wanting to go with me.
But that job, even though I loved Omar, wasn't leading anywhere. I applied for a government test as a clerk/steno which means a typist who can take shorthand,
and after the test I was scheduled for an interview. So I quit babysitting, and in January of 1968 I started working at Naval Air Station North Island where your Grandpa works now. I was thrilled to have my own desk, typewriter and access to a coffee machine! Ha Ha. I typed naval messages and speedletters and mailed out status cards and all kinds of things that would just bore you, so I'll spare you all the details. Later on, I was in a car wreck and had a really bad whip lash. The night of the wreck, my neck got so stiff I had to take my hands and put them behind my head and pull myself up to a sitting position. The girl that hit us wasn't hurt, but she had been putting on her makeup and wasn't even looking to see what was right in front of her. We were stopped at a red light and she hit us at about 40 miles an hour. The impact threw us out into the intersection and we almost got hit again. They didn't give her a ticket or anything, so I got a lawyer and sued them. The bad part was that the clinic they sent me to for therapy for my whiplash was the same clinic the girls mom worked at and they didn't treat me very well. I had to wear a neck-brace for quite a while and had to take soma compound to relax the muscles in my neck and shoulders.
I went back to work after a couple of days even though I didn't feel very well. I got $3,500.00 for the suit that I won. The car we got hit in was my brothers car, even though I had co-signed for it. So I split the money with him, so he could get his car fixed. I took the rest and put it in the bank. Later on, after he had spent all his money on drugs or whatever he was into, I still had mine. He wanted mine too! I told him no, even though my mom was pressuring me to give him even more money! I took my money and put it down on a brand new car of my own. Then I didn't have to get up a 4:30 to take the bus to work every day. It was a Chevy Nova, light yellow, and was a great little car. I loved it! I would spend my Saturdays washing and waxing my new car out in the driveway and drinking cold Pepsi's. It was great. I had my own money, my own car, my independence and the freedom to go wherever, whenever and I was becoming an adult finally.
My Dad left the picture, and left Mom with no job, no money and all the bills to pay. One night I heard her crying, and I got up out of bed and went to comfort her. She looked so pitiful sitting all alone at the table with a pile of bills in front of her. Back in those days, if you owed people money and didn't pay them, they could come to your house and demand you pay them, and we even had them trying to pound the door down. One day at work, I felt so bad I told my boss I had to leave. I went home, and laid down after telling my Mom that they gave us some time off because they were painting the building and putting down new carpet. That wasn't true, but I was getting sick. Sicker than I'd ever been.
Finally, after 3 days, my boss called my Mom and told her that what I had told her wasn't true. He told her I'd been acting strange and that she should take me to a doctor. So they tried to fool me, and told me that they were taking me shopping. They took me to my Grandma's doctor, and after a few minutes with me, he gave them the name of a good psychiatrist. They took me there, and I had a conversation with a Doctor Funk. He called my Mom in after he talked to me, and he had me wait in the waiting room. Then he called me back in and told me I was mentally ill. All I did was look down at the floor. He gave me medicine to take and said he wanted to see me again on Monday. So we got the medicine perscription filled and went home. I took one of the pills, and went outside to sit in the yard. After about 30 minutes, the medicine took effect and I almost fell out of my chair. My brother David came and grabbed me to keep me from falling and he carried me in the house and I fell asleep in my bedroom. I hadn't been able to sleep for 2 weeks. So the next morning I was doing much better. The circles under my eyes were less, and I was able to sit down long enough to eat breakfast. I had been running around all day and night driving places and not sleeping or eating.
I don't know how I survived. He told me also that he wanted me to stay home from work for an undetermined time, until I felt better. My boss came by with my first check, and to get a statement from my doctor telling him what my problem was. I found the paper, and it said I had Schizophrenia. It's a word I learned to be afraid of. I was afraid of myself already anyway, but when I read that I was really afraid of me! As I got better after about a month, I drove to the Library and started reading all kinds of books about it, and finding out there were different types. I was trying to figure it out and get rid of that fear that I had. I don't want you to be afraid of me. More than anything I need your love and understanding. I am not simple minded. I have limitations that make me different from you, but you don't have to be afraid of Grandma or think I might ever hurt you in any way. I don't want to keep things hidden from you because this also ties in to my relationship with Jesus and God the Father, and how they have helped me over the years. He has always been there supporting me, even when my Mom died. Your grandpa has always loved me, and supported me and even when I am sick, he takes care of me. He never left me even though it was difficult to stay. Hopefully you will never see me that way. I never want you to see this disease. That's why Grandma takes medication. It has been very hard to get well. Once, I stopped my medicine because I thought I didn't need it anymore. Then I got really ill and had to go in the hospital. But I was only there 8 days and then I signed myself out and walked home.
This has been a very hard cross to bear. I want you to hear this from me and to know that I take every precaution I can to never let this happen again. I always take my meds, and if I reduce them for some reason, I always tell someone. I am careful with my meds. I take them every day and I am responsible for my mental health and well being by praying, meditating, reading, and sticking to my beliefs. I share a wonderful experience with your Grandpa. Something he has shown me through the years. Someday you may want to read his books too, and make your own judgement. That's a long way off though. So for now, I will just tell you even though my beliefs and grandpa's beliefs are different, we respect each other's belief's and we are both very strong people. We each have so much love for one another and our family and all of you grandchildren. With every day we live, we love you even more.
I was out of work for about 6 months and even when my doctor asked me if I was ready to go back to work, I said no. But he said he didn't want me to give up and not try to function in society. I went back, but I couldn't think straight. I would sit at my desk and cry but they didn't bother me. I think they were afraid to say anything. They gave me easy things to do and were fairly tolerant of my behavior. I had to see my Doctor every 2 weeks at first. He was a good Doctor and even when I needed to be hospitalized, he paid for all my expenses because I didn't have any health insurance. He told me once that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself, and that made me mad. It made me so mad that I told myself
I'll show him! I decided I'd show him who was feeling sorry for themselves and I just got better and better. There are many was to help people with this disease and one of them is called psychotherapy. Another way is by hypnosis which he did for me and I took all the advice he gave me. I bought a book called "I'm OK
You're OK" and it helped me to find all my weak spots in my psyche, or way of thinking if that makes more sense to you. I did better and better.
Then, one day my Mom decided she'd go see my Dad in Seattle and she took my younger sister with her. My brother David didn't want to stay with me at home, so he went to stay at his girlfriends house. Her name was Barbara and she had a little girl named Larie that I adored. The little girl had long blonde hair and was about 4 years old. Anyway, I was at the house alone and I had borrowed $500.00 to pay off my car loan. One day at work, I thought to myself "I have to keep on working anyway an paying for all my bills, so I may as well enjoy this money!". So, one Friday night I went shopping and bought over $300.00 on clothes and another $40.00 on jewelry. Back then your money bought more and the products were better. I went to the Broadway Department Store and I bought all sorts of things I liked. Then I took myself out to dinner and had a great time even though I was alone! Then, while my Mom was gone and I had spent all my money, I decided I'd go find David and for some reason I had my grandmother with me. I drove to National City to find David, and went to Barbara's house. Her Dad answered the door and said that David and Barbara had gone to a party somewhere and he didn't know where it was. I decided to wait for David and sent my Grandma home in a cab.
I sort of got out of reality that night, and my brother eventually showed up and he and his friends took me to University Hospital. They put me in a room with a lot of other people with problems and left me there until I settled down. They watched me through a window in the door and eventually they took me back out of the room, gave my brother medication for me, and sent me on my way. My car was in the parking lot at the Broadway and I had left my keys in the ignition and the windows were down. I don't know how it didn't get stolen except that God was watching out for me. We went home and I took the medication and went to sleep. The next day David and I went to my Grandma's house and I went in her bedroom and laid down because the medication made me sleepy. I didn't know it but David had called Mom and Dad and told my Dad he neeed to come home because I had lost touch with reality and needed him.
The next thing I remember is waking up and seeing my Dad by my bedside and he hugged me. He had always been sort of afraid of me because I had such a bad temper, but I was no longer the same person. I was pitiful. I had lost so much in my life and it had made me very ill. All the moving and all the changes and having to start over every year or so was more than I could take and the fact that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain was no one's fault. At the time I blamed everyone else for my problems, because I was so mixed up. But now I know it wasn't anyone's fault. Not even mine. It's just a fact of life. There are a lot of people who have this disease. Currently there is no cure, but they have new medicines that keep the disease under control. I take 2 different types of medicine. One kind I have taken for over 20 years. The other one is fairly new and it helps me to sleep and to adjust to changes that happen in my life, just like everyone else. My medicines have been a part of my life since I was 22. I had been sick before that, extremely depressed, but no one took notice. That was when we lived in Minnesota and I was separated from my friends, my boyfriend, and my school and California in general. I had a very difficult time when I flew back to San Diego. Nothing was the same and I gradually couldn't remember being here before. Not even my Mom's house seemed familiar. It was one of the hardest things to happen in my life. My battle had just begun. But today I am doing fine, although now and then I have the urge to stop taking my meds because I think I am well. As I said, there is no known cure. The only way to win with this disease is to keep taking the medicine, and work really hard to solve your mental issues. That's what I do. I read a lot, pray, meditate, and deal with life on a daily basis just like everyone else. There are a lot worse things that could be in my life. I could be blind, homeless, have no family, be crippled or have cancer or multiple sclerosis or polio...the list goes on and on. I am a survivor and I have overcome my greatest enemy, myself.
I am determined to live long enough to see all of you grow up. No one knows when they will die, but I am trying to get healthy physically by losing weight and exercising. I can have an almost normal life by taking my meds and working diligently on my problems. I will live as long as God allows. This is the reason I talk so much about God to you. I have been at the bottom of a deep well and the only thing that helped me get out was God. He brought the right people, the right meds and gave me the stamina and determination I have to get well and enjoy my life. God is my best friend and He brought Grandpa and all of you into my life to love and nurture. He does the impossible. He does miracles, like me, and like Kris. Kris is a survivor too! He's a tough little character! He is so little, but he runs and falls and gets back up and brushes himself off. Watch him. He can be a great lesson for you. Start looking at life with understanding and gain wisdom and knowledge and insight. You are young and have so much to learn. Start learning today, and if you have any questions for me, I will try to answer them openly and honestly. Don't be afraid to ask questions. That's how you learn about the world and it's people.
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